Mini-Stories and Comedy

I have this running joke between my husband, my best friend, and myself. I like to think of it as “the importance filter.” It all came about when my husband told me he was in charge at work. Not like he’s running the whole Army or anything, but he was in charge of something that implied some pretty solid responsibilities. As he casually shared this information mid-conversation, I stopped him and said, “I didn’t know you were in charge. That’s huge!”

“Yes, Wife, I’m kind of important.”

To which I replied, “Well, you could have told me! I tell you stuff all the time, little stuff, big stuff, important or not.”

And there began my realization that I often don’t have an “importance filter.” I love creating mini-stories—about things that shouldn’t even be stories. Little anecdotes that leave you thinking, “What’s your point?” These stories are often not important at all, but they are quite humorous.

At work this week, I read half of a magazine article heading. I was passing through the break room and glanced to see in big, bold, bright yellow letters—”Spouse Paddles.” And, cue the inner-dialogue. What in the world? Spouse. Paddles. Paddles for your spouse. That sounds very awkward. Who wants a paddle for hitting their spouse? Is it supposed to be violent? Or, uh, maybe “romantic?” *blush* Just plain bothersome? Then I walked back by and read the complete title: Spouse Paddles Her Business Across Duty Stations. (It was about stand-up paddle boarding).

Look! It’s a plate of eggs. I absolutely should take a picture and share it with my friends. They need this to get through the day. I’m sure of it. An “eggscellent” caption should be included, but all I will really wind up saying is that I love the way Husband makes eggs and I ate eggs.

There was a sign on base leading into our neighborhood to alert everyone of the date of a power outage, but it didn’t have the slashes. Maybe marquees don’t, I’m really not sure about the marquee business. So, Husband pointed it out, and I said I knew, and yeah it’s on the 19th. “Well, when’s the 6th?” he asks, multiple times. “I don’t know,” I reply multiple times. “The 19th is a Saturday. Why are you asking me about the 6th?” Him: The sign said 6. 19. 21. Those are the three days of the power outage! Me: The military broke your ability to read dates like a civilian.

When you’re 18 and you have to collect a jug of your urine over a day or two because the doctor found some protein in the sample you gave for your sports physical, you really don’t think much of it. At least, I’m pretty sure you don’t (18 was ages ago…don’t get old, y’all). Honestly, you were probably too busy daydreaming about cute boys to worry about the fact that you were collecting your own pee.

When you’re nearing 40 and have diagnosed kidney disease, it’s a different story. I mean the cute boy in your life is going to know about this (sorry, Husband!), and it’s not just that your pee is in your refrigerator. Now you’ve got a glimpse of all the good things to come: dialysis, being on a donor list, wondering if bionic kidneys will be a thing when the time comes…

It’s all right. One day (How about tomorrow when I realize I’ve actually written this for other people to read?!), I’ll laugh at the pee in my refrigerator. I see you, pee. I really do. Remember that joke from childhood? You tell your friend to spell, “I cup,” and when they do (i-c-u-p), you’ve achieved the gold standard of comedy.

Like I said, I like the mini-stories. But what’s the point? Comedy gold, always. You should never underestimate the power of laughter in this milspouse life. Do you have any funny short stories to share? Leave them in the comments, we can all use the laughs.