Mother’s Memoir Tackles Difficult Subject of Military Suicide

Editor’s note: This post is sponsored by author Margaret Thomson, who wrote the memoir, The World Looks Different Now. Listen to the Aug. 10 episode of AWTR, when AWN Owner and Commander Sharita Knobloch interviews Thomson. 

My son Kieran, a medic in the Army, took his life on August 28, 2010, only months before he was due to deploy to Afghanistan. It’s hard to believe that it’s been ten years since his death. Or that this milestone anniversary is taking place during what can only be described as a year unlike any other.

Suicide is often called “the last taboo” and with good reason since it’s one of the few subjects that remain largely off-limits in our society. People know that suicide is a problem and that we need to be talking about it. And yet the very idea of someone taking his or her life leaves many of us feeling deeply uncomfortable. We don’t know what to say, much less what to do.

To its credit, the military has been stepping up its efforts to address the issue with programs to improve resiliency and coping skills, even as suicide rates within virtually all branches of the armed forces continue to rise. In fact, today, suicide stands as the second leading cause of death among active-duty service members with the rate, adjusted for age and sex, now exceeding that of the general civilian population. This development is especially disturbing since service members have traditionally been regarded as being more fit—mentally and physically—than non-service members.  

Like many people, I vaguely knew about the statistics even before my son died. I vaguely knew that suicide rates were on the rise in the military as well as in the civilian world. Still, I never thought—who does?—that suicide would happen in my own family.  

A month or two after my son’s death, I hesitantly went back to writing, which, as a lifelong journalist, was the only thing I could think of to do. 

I wrote for myself, but since journalists are accustomed to having their work published, the idea of eventually producing a book was always there in the back of my mind. And now, almost a decade later, The World Looks Different Now has indeed become a reality.  

Looking back, there were times when writing helped but then there were other times when I feared that spending so much time with such “dark” material might in fact prove harmful to my health. To my surprise, though, I found as I wrote that I was far stronger and far more resilient than I’d ever imagined.  

As the months and years rolled by, I persisted, filling up notebooks and the computer with scenes from the distant, as well as the more recent, past. Many were based on events from my older son’s life in particular. 

Writing helped me process the tragedy that had befallen our family. Still, I wondered: Was writing something that I, as a bereaved mother, should even be trying to do?

Later, I wrote about what had gone wrong—as well as what had gone right—with how the Army had handled my son’s death. I told myself that I wasn’t writing out of a desire to vent but rather out of what I hoped was compassion. Compassion for everyone involved, including my son, of course, as well as myself since like all parents I had undoubtedly made my share of mistakes. 

I invite you to read The World Looks Different Now and to take from it whatever you feel may apply to you. It is my belief that you don’t have to have experienced what I experienced in order to glean something from the story. One absolute truth contained in the book is that each and every one of us will experience loss at some point in our lives, if we haven’t already. In the end, what The World Looks Different Now attempts to convey is the surprisingly hopeful message that when loss and grief come calling the vast majority of us will likely meet both with far more grace and courage than we ever dreamed possible.

Suicide is a serious concern in the military community. If you are in crisis, or you know someone who is, there are immediate resources available to support you or your loved ones. The Military Crisis Line connects those in need to a trained counselor with a single phone call or click of a mouse. This confidential, immediate help is available 24/7 at no cost to active-duty, National Guard and Reserve members, their families, and friends. Contact the Military Crisis Line at 800-273-8255, then press 1, or access online chat by texting 838255.

The World Looks Different Now by Margaret Thomson, published by She Writes Press, is available on Amazon, as well as through other online retailers and at most major bookstores.

Connect with Margaret Thomson via her website margaretrileythomson.com and by email at margaretrileythomson@gmail.com.