Plotting a Course to Gratitude

You know those people who always seem to find something to complain about? You know those people who always seem to find something positive in every situation? Maybe you’re one of them—quick to catastrophize or let a moment turn into a bad day or always encouraging others to find good. Perhaps you have the patience of Job.

Did you know that our thoughts literally wire our brains? They create connections as synapses form—perhaps they start off like deer trails in the underbrush, difficult to see and follow, but before you know it, if you don’t guard your thoughts, that path has become a newly-opened toll road and you have an express pass, quickly getting you from Point A to Point B.

But is it worth the cost?

If we don’t take stock of our mindsets, the toll roads might not take us where we want to go, and what was originally designed for convenience might turn into missing your exit on the Autobahn and accepting the journey until you can get back on track (or like those times you miss the exit for Fort Hood St. because you think it’s Willow Springs and have to wait until you hit Jasper…or maybe that’s just me).

Fortunately, our brains—our mindsets—aren’t locked into place once we hit a certain age. Neuroplasticity refers to the flexibility of the brain; damage can be fixed, mindsets can be changed, and we aren’t relegated to forever be who we are right this second.

We are wired to survive.

What worked for us during one season of life may not work in another, so if you aren’t at peace with where your thoughts roam in this season, give yourself some grace. Where you are today was necessary at some point earlier in life. It’s up to you to decide if you want to keep it or sit with it for a bit until you’re ready to let it go.

Managing your thoughts can shift your experience of the world—it can be the difference between getting caught in the flow of rush hour traffic and taking a leisurely drive on the Pacific Coast Highway. While the starting point, journey, and destination look different for everyone, there are some common rest areas along the way to guide you and give you space to recharge.

Here’s how you can being to plot a course to gratitude:

1. Determine whether there’s something you want to change.

Sit with yourself for a bit and reflect on how you interact with family. Coworkers. Friends. Stressful situations. Yourself. You might be content or you might not, and that’s okay.

2. Recognize when you’re barreling down the toll road and be curious about how you got there—how you really got there.

For example, anger disguises other emotions—fear, hurt, shame, guilt, helplessness, to name a few. Every behavior has a purpose, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Acknowledging a splinter instead of ignoring it gives way to healing instead of infection. Approaching situations with curiosity instead of judgment enables us to lower our defenses and, in turn give, others space to lower theirs.

(At first, this will probably be more likely to happen at the end of the day, when you have some time to think, or after you’ve already made it to Point B. The more reflecting you do, the more easily and quickly you’ll be able to recognize that you’re about to hit the gas and put your brain on autopilot.)

3. Surround yourself with an environment that fosters that mindset change.

Whether that’s listening to music or a podcast, adding or deleting accounts you follow on Instagram, or culling your Netflix queue, be mindful of the messages you absorb. Are they supporting your goals or are they sabotaging them?

4. Keep a record of the positive.

A tangible list can help you make gratitude a habit and encourage you to seek things for your list more regularly. It can be a list of two or three things throughout your day, typed on a note or jotted down in a notebook. Or, you could make it into a monthly IG challenge and include photos.

5. Accept the detours.

Journeys are rarely linear and cultivating gratitude and positivity can be a never-ending pursuit. Growth is less about the destination than it is about the journey, because how you get there is the worthy part.