Sending I Love Yous From Afar

One of the most difficult parts of a deployment or TDY is being apart. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to stay connected or find new ways to say, “I love you” when internet connections are down or the service member is busy doing their job.

Here are some ways you and your service member can keep the feelings of love strong while apart:

Put the Camera to Work

When we think of staying in touch, using photographs often comes to mind. Pictures are great, and here’s how some people have used photos to share their lives.

• One wife bought a tiny photo album on a key chain (about 1″ x 2″) and filled it with little photos from all the best times of their lives. She chose it for her husband because it would fit neatly into his pocket.
• Another military spouse took a full-length photo, enlarged it, and cut it apart into a “puzzle” of body parts. Each time she mailed her husband a card, she put in a single puzzle piece. Soon he would have a full picture of his wife.
• Pictures can be used to send different messages. One woman sent her husband pictures of herself mowing the lawn and doing small repairs around the house. Why? To show him her independence so that he wouldn’t worry about her ability to handle things at home. She added that, when he came home on R&R, she acted a little “helpless” so he knew how much she needed him.

Projects to Keep it Personal

Saying “I love you” across the miles can sometimes take some extra thinking…but it’s worth it. These might spark your creativity.

• Cut different sized hearts out of colored paper. Write a love phrase on each heart, like the words on the candy valentine hearts. Put about 50 or so in an envelope and mail it. When your loved one pulls out all these hearts, it’s like love confetti.
• One woman took a small plastic bag and filled it with heart shaped stickers, one for each day her fiancé would be gone. She sent it with instructions that, each morning, he was to take a heart and stick it someplace…any place…on his body! That let her wonder all day where that special heart was. For more fun, you can reciprocate, and do it at home, too.
• Joyce wears a special charm around her neck, and she can touch it whenever she’s missing her loved one or just needs to be thinking of him.
• Create and send a calendar with pictures and events that are special. Many photographers do these calendars, or you can put one together on your home computer.
• Beth made a “deployment pillowcase” for her boyfriend and one for herself, too. The pillowcase had little pockets, and in the pockets, she placed favorite photos and love notes they each had written.

The Service Member Can Show Love, Too:

Many of the connection ideas come from the person left at home, and that usually works best. But it’s important for the deployed service member to be involved, too, so we’re sharing a few of our favorite ideas here.

• Think of a small treat, like candy, that your loved one likes. Paul knows that Julie loves the snack size Snickers. When he’s on an assignment for a few weeks, he buys a Snickers for each day he’s away. Before he leaves, he hides them all around the house. Each time he calls home during the deployment he tells her where just one is hidden! It’s a great way to “extend” their phone call while she enjoys her treat.
• One soldier writes: “Before I left, I wrote ‘I love you and miss you’ on the bathroom mirror with a marker. My husband would see it every morning and it helped make his day brighter. I was gone for 13 months, and it was there the entire time.”
• The best ideas are those that create that one-on-one personal connection like this one from Brad. “My wife sent me the swimsuit issue from Sports Illustrated magazine…but not before she pasted a picture of her face over the face of every model in it! That was cool.”
• Find new ways to use texting and emails.
  • Leave text messages throughout the day that just say I love you and don’t require a response.
  • Using email, Chad and his wife “discussed” where they would meet in their dreams. He said, “Cheesy? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely!”

Bonus Idea

Care package tip: Send a special care package from home that contains items of special personal significance instead of “the usual.”

• Samples of favorite perfume or aftershave
• Anything with a heart on it
• Mementos (like seashells) from a romantic trip you two took
• A common item that means something special to only you

Final thought

Don’t put up a wall or start a dispute before deployment, because emotionally, it’s easier to part when you’re not mad at each other. Know that it’s not as easy as it sounds. Upon return, don’t put big expectations on the relationship right away. This makes your transition back together much easier…and more enjoyable!