Finding a Battle Buddy: Part 2
One absolute necessity for making it through this roller coaster ride we call military life is meeting our battle buddies. These are the friends who, no matter what else is happening, will drop whatever they’re doing to help you out. These are the friends that you can call (and who can call you) at any time of the day or night just to talk to you, or to keep you from banging your head against the wall (much). AWN’s co-founder Tara Crooks wrote the article, Finding Your Battle Buddy, that has suggestions on how to meet yours.
I got to thinking about it, and decided what better way to discuss the importance of finding a battle buddy than by actually discussing it? We started this conversation in Finding a Battle Buddy: Part 1.
I enlisted the help of my primary battle buddy, Jennifer Aloisi, and we learned a lot about ourselves and our relationship, and it allowed us to fill the love tanks and keep soldiering on, side by side.
We left off in part one with Jennifer asking: How do you go about making battle buddies or, in other words, how do you “know” that this person is awesome sauce and worthy of being your battle buddy?
Me: I’ve found battle buddies in the same way you have, which is to say through volunteering. That’s one of the nice things about finding stuff that interests you; you’ll meet other people who are interested in it, too, and friendships are born through that. I met Patti, Adriane, and Kowanda (another former AWN Core Team Member, as it would happen) through volunteering at ACS, and Debbi I met before she even got to Korea because I answered a question that she asked on the garrison Facebook page. I met (AWN Core Team Member) Emily on that same FB page. How do I know they’ll be awesomesauce? If someone can make me laugh, think critically, and have great ideas about making the community better all in the space of ten minutes when I first meet them, that’s a good sign.
What about social media? Has that changed the nature and longevity of your battle buddy relationships?
Jennifer: Hmm, good question. I’m the kind of person that would keep in contact with battle buddies regardless of social media, but things like Facebook allow me to be more involved in their lives. I get to see pictures of their kids (or dogs), hear about their current duty stations, and be “involved” in their lives way more than I would if I relied solely on snail mail or telephone calls. Plus it always me to chat with you nearly every day. Facebook is a marvel.
When you move to a new place, do you take time to settle in and get your household in order or do you jump right in with both feet and begin the search for new battle buddies immediately?
Me: About half and half. I get as much of the kitchen and bedroom stuff done as I can, then jump in with both feet. In Korea, I was at the ACS building asking how I could volunteer while we were still in the hotel. If I hadn’t had my volunteer activities that first year, I would have gone bonkers, because it’s so difficult to find a job there. As a matter of fact, I got my first job in Korea (facilitating the Transition Assistance Program Employment Workshop) directly as a result of volunteering at ACS. I’m not good at having nothing to do.
Okay, time for our wrap-up questions. What not-too-intimidating advice would you give to a new military spouse (remember how that felt? It’s so overwhelming!) about how to meet a battle buddy?
Jennifer: My #1 piece of advice is be prepared to make new friends wherever and whenever. I made one of my best friends ever in line at the commissary in Hawaii when our boys started playing together. Always be open to new people and new things. It’s one of the greatest parts of military life. Advice #2: Facebook is your friend, whether you are moving to a new duty station or you’ve been there for a while, connecting with the Facebook page for the post your spouse is stationed at or the school your kids go to is a great way to meet new people without having to do that scary face-to-face interaction thing.
What about you? Any advice for spouses that aren’t necessarily new but that might be just a tad bit introverted (like you and me) and have trouble meeting new people or putting themselves out there in new situations?
Me: My advice to those of us who are a tad introverted is to push yourself into those situations. They don’t have to be a big-deal thing, either. If you go to church and they have a fellowship thing with coffee and donuts afterwards, go to that. Or check out a play group for your kids and meet other parents that way. You’ll meet people who have common interests, and you only have to socialize to the degree with which you’re comfortable. When you go to a military social or ball and see someone who has a pretty dress or cool shoes, compliment her on it and ask her where she got it. Compliments are always a good way to start a conversation.
How have you met your battle buddies? If you haven’t, what ideas can you come up with about how to go about it? Share with us!
