6 Degrees of Milspouse Separation

So you just PCS’d (moved away) from your happy little home with all your best battle buddies to your new unsettled home where you know no one.

Now what?

Or, you just got married to the military this past summer, and now you’re in a foreign land, which doesn’t necessarily mean Germany, Puerto Rico, or Japan.

Now what?

Even the most social people feel a little lost and many shy newbies write us or ask online, “how do I meet people?” It may seem daunting. It always did for me. But, it doesn’t have to be.

We really are closer to one another than you may think, and there is a reason we call our military spouse community a “family.” In fact, you may have a proverbial sister (or brother) or distant cousin living among you in your new community and not even know it.

How do you find out? Well, let’s have fun and make it a game.

It’s probably a toss-up on whether or not you know “The 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon” game. It’s where you link any Hollywood actor or actress (living or dead) to Kevin Bacon in six degrees or less.

You know Kevin Bacon, though, right?

I like his more military-type roles in A Few Good Men, Apollo 13, My Dog Skip, and the HBO movie Taking Chance. Personally, I’d like to know my “Bacon number” or degrees of separation between him and me.

Degrees of separation means the number of people between the first and last person in the chain. Some believe that there is no more than six degrees of separation between any two people on earth.

My proposal is this: that for any milspouse you meet, the degree of separation between friends at your old duty station and new friends at your new duty station could be six, but it’s probably less. And even if this is your first duty station, I’d bet there is someone around who knows someone –who might know someone—from your home state or even hometown.

I don’t know about you, but my interest is piqued when I find out someone I’ve been talking to is from my region of the country, let alone the same small town. It’s not on purpose. It’s not that I don’t give southerners a chance, or those Californians, but I do honestly linger and chat more if I meet someone from the Midwest vs. Southwest.

For example, my mind was totally blown this past spring when (through our blog coordinator) I met a milspouse blogger, ten years my junior, from my high school, who was best friends with a much younger sister of a good friend of mine. Two ladies “originally from upper Michigan” found their way to the same space and time at Fort Leonard Wood and it helped me feel just a little bit less alone, more connected to who I really am and where I came from.

That “it’s a small-world” feeling is one that can be experienced when you meet someone who knows your FRG leader from the last installation, or your running partner from two installations ago, or your babysitter from your first duty station. These relationships are something to connect over.

It makes sense; your normal is built on what is familiar to you. If you meet new people who knew your old people, you attribute those warm feelings and memories to the new people, and it really helps break the ice.

So, my advice?

Make it a game. Think of those people you hung out with before, activities you enjoy, and places you love and purposely bring those up. Ask the person tying their shoes next to you in the locker room if they have ever been to Fort X, Y, or Z. Where do they call home? Who are some key people in their military life? And then, figure out the degrees of separation. They might call you crazy, or they just might join in and play along.

What’s the smallest degree of separation you witness? What connections surprised you? Report back and check to see if anyone has a “small-world” story as crazy as you.