To My Loving Son
I’ve failed you. This probably isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Just know that I’m trying to do my best.
Ever since March, we’ve tried to be careful. Since cases have increased, we’ve only hung out with one family here. We use a mask and hand sanitizer. And still, somehow we got COVID. I won’t speculate on how I think we got it—either way, that won’t help.
My biggest concern was for you and your future. We still don’t know if there are any long-term effects of this virus. For that, I’m so sorry. At least now you’ve something concrete to blame your parents for—or at the very least something to write about when you apply to college. The good news is that you’ve gotten over it with relatively mild symptoms.
The scariest part was picking you up and feeling just how hot you were to the touch. I’d have done anything to take that pain away. Seeing you in pain was one of the worst moments in my short time as a mom. I won’t be able to save you from all the pain 
in the world. But my hope is that, if I do my job well enough, you’ll come up with ways of dealing with it—whether it’s physical or mental pain.
Two things I hope to teach you: resiliency and gratefulness. From every experience, look for the lessons. Failure is a part of life, but what can you take away from that experience to make you better? On the other hand, don’t forget to be thankful to those that help you. And never forget how lucky you are.
As for the gratitude—I cannot write this without writing a big thank you to everyone working the front lines of this pandemic. Thank you not only to the nurses and doctors dealing with this virus every day, but also, thank you to the employees at the urgent care centers and make-shift testing sites around the U.S. I 
appreciate how much risk there is just to do your job. And to all those nurses who answer the 24/7 nurse advice line for Tricare—thank you for calming my nerves as you witnessed first-hand how I experience a plethora of emotions in a short period of time.
For now, I’ll go to bed thankful that you’re healthy and of course I’ll check your video monitor before drifting off. Here’s to the hope that it’ll be a long time before I fail you again…
Oh Annie! My heart! Thank you for vulnerability here… As a fellow mama, I know how much we want to protect our little ones, but I also think it’s important to give ourself grace– so much grace– especially in things we can’t control (like this really challenging virus). I hope your little man is already feeling back on the up and and up and you all enter into a season of health. Sending hugs from El Paso, TX.
Thank you Sharita! Owen is feeling much better thankfully. I also thought about how lucky we are that I was able to call a nurse 24/7 and they calmed my fears. I wish everyone had that support. I agree with you wholeheartedly and it’s hard to balance that protective instinct with giving ourselves grace. I’m still working on that one. Mom guilt is all too real.