A Letter to My Military Brat
On May 22, 2017, at 1:52 p.m. my first baby boy, Mark, came into the world after a 10-hour labor. My first little Military Brat.
The moment I’d been dreaming of since I was a little girl began in an instant, and it hasn’t slowed down since. I’ll never forget the moment my husband and I walked into the house with that clunky infant carrier and over-packed diaper bag, looked at each other, and uttered, “Now what?”
Every day has been filled with moments of “now whats.”
You’re still crying after 15 minutes of shh’ing, now what?
I’ve changed your diaper and you’re not crying, now what?
You’ve finally gone down for a nap, now what?
As almost any parent would tell you, words cannot describe the love they have for their children. So, in those quiet moments of naps and snuggles, I cannot help but constantly wonder about the person my son will become.
While I wonder about what his future will be like, I can’t help but inadvertently put myself in his shoes 20-something years ago. My earliest memories span back to when I was about 5 years old and the most unique aspect of it all was how our lifestyle was centered around the Army.
As a Brat, I had to learn my own way of coping with the challenges the Army presented, but I had the guidance of my parents and the innocence of childhood to help. As a spouse, roles are literally reversed in a “New Army”—there is a different set of challenges and struggles as a first-time parent living miles away from the help of family.
In the only way I know how to right now, I’ve composed a letter to future Mark, in hopes that he may find comfort and clarity in his own times of adversity when the Army makes life a little harder than it should be for a child.
Here’s a letter to my Military Brat:
My Sweet Baby Mark,
As you probably have learned by now, Mommy’s already starting to tear up thinking about how much I love you, so I’ll go ahead and dive right in. I can’t think of how old you will be when I feel compelled to present you this letter of advice, but regardless of age, the military has probably presented you with challenges most children your age never have to encounter.
You may have felt confused, angry, and upset more than you deserved, cried more than you should have had to, and grown up a little faster than some would expect. I want you to know that Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you and all you have done and will do.
And whether or not you have learned these things yet, there are some things about the military that I pray will give you some peace whenever your life is impacted by things you have no control over.
1. The military isn’t mean.
Daddy’s bosses are not mean. They don’t want to hurt your feelings or make you feel lonely and upset. They don’t want to have Daddy miss family dinners, your soccer games, or your birthday. They don’t want to take you away from your friends and your home.
But, they’re going to and they have to. It’s going to be hard, but you won’t be alone. You’re allowed to get mad and cry if you want, but we, as a family, have to be understanding. There are people in this world who do not feel safe in their homes like you do, and Dad has an important role in contributing to make sure you and everyone feels safe.
Helping unhappy people feel happy is a wonderful thing to do, and by supporting Dad and the rest of the military, you’re making them feel happy about their hard work.
2. I know you didn’t sign up for this life, but I’m thankful you understand.
Being a family means we’re a team. Being a part of a team means you support one another through the good and bad times. There are going to be days when Mom yells at you for no reason and you have to go to bed before Dad gets home from work.
These days are going to be very stressful for everyone, but if we all work together, communicate, and always remember that we love each other, we’ll make it despite anything the military decides to add onto our plates.
3. It may not seem different to you, but you’re going to encounter people who don’t understand your life.
The military lifestyle isn’t only difficult, it’s unique. There may be times when you go to school with civilians—kids whose mom or dad are not in the military. Their lives are totally different than yours and they may have many questions. Sometimes with these questions come comments that, to them, may seem innocent, but could upset you or make you angry.
My advice is to treat these encounters as moments to educate. Try not to fall into the trap of comparing who has it worse, because stress is stress no matter how you slice it. Instead, tell them the positive things you’ve gotten to experience because you’re a military child.
4. No matter how many hints people drop, you are not expected to join the military when you grow up.
Lastly, I want you to know that just because you’re the child of service member and grandson of two Army retirees, you are not expected to join the service in any capacity. The military lifestyle is complicated, rough, and exhausting, and it’s understandable if it’s not the choice for you.
You served your country by supporting your dad, neighbors, and peers through their military careers. You find your passion in whatever field makes you happy. I pray that it’s fulfilling and you succeed in all your endeavors.
I love you, Mark. Thank you for all the love and joy you have brought into my life.
Love, Mommy.
