Being Scared is OK
“Mom, if a hawk came swooping down and tried to grab me, would you be able to save me?” a little boy, about 6, asked his mother.
“Oh, I would take a stick and whack him,” she said.
“But, what if an eagle came. He is much bigger and probably stronger than you. What would you do?” he persisted. It was a warm spring day and I was 10 feet behind them.
“Honey, I would throw a rock and beat him off with my fists,” mom continued.
“So, if a bear jumped out right now, I would be dead, wouldn’t I?” he said, with increasing anxiety.
“I can only say I would do everything I could to protect you,” she said.
The world is terribly scary to a little one, especially with the scourge of the COVID-19. Children are naturally scared. The television provides an up-to-the-minute deluge of bad news, and the pictures of mass graves and huge numbers of victims make them worry that they are next or that mom or dad could die.
I get it. I think I am immortal. After all, I walked across this country, so what could hurt me? Well, for one thing, the virus could nab me as quick as an old man snapping a coin purse.
There are times to teach children that fear is not only an inevitable part of life, but a good one.
We teach, “stop, look, and listen,” when we take kids for a walk. We teach them to buckle up without being told every time. Children learn about stranger danger, wearing a helmet when riding a bike, and never touching a gun in the house. Fear saves our lives. Learning to be careful is essential to everyone.
So, how do parents approach a pandemic such as this virus without triggering incredible anxiety and fear in their children?
I believe you do it by being totally truthful.
By telling kids that this is a serious disease and that you are taking every precaution is a good beginning. Teaching them how to wash their hands, how to wear a face mask in a store, how to exercise proper social distancing, and how to cover their mouths with their elbows when coughing and sneezing are simple tools that help a child feel as if they have some power over this virus.
It is a good time to talk about how we can all improve our health by exercising, limiting our time on the computer, getting outside and on that bike, and eating good foods. You, mom and dad, can model all of this daily by maintaining a positive attitude towards life. If they see you taking risks (smoking, eating bad food, drinking heavily, being glued to your television or phone), it sends a bad message to them.
When children ask me if they can die, I tell them the truth. Kids have some internal wisdom of being able to ingest this truth at a level that they can handle based on their age and developmental maturity.
“Yes, we all will die at some point,” I tell them. “But, look around. Most people live long, long lives by taking good care of themselves and being smart. If you got this virus, it is very, very unlikely that you will die, because we will make sure you get the best care.”
Yes, life offers endless dangers. And, being truthful and positive sets the tone for their lives.
William Shuttleworth, is a retired school superintendent and walked across America last year to raise awareness of the needs of our veterans. Visit his website, www.vetsdontforgetvets and donate to a good cause. He can be reached at wshuttleworth@hotmail.com
