‘Comparison is the Thief of Joy’

In a quote attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, he said “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and during a season of life where many of us have been at home, feeling disconnected from family, maybe spending more time on our devices than we usually would, I think this is an important thing to keep in mind.

While Roosevelt didn’t have computers, television, or cell phones to occupy his attention, his quote has only become truer as time has passed and technology has evolved.

Social media, overall, is a wonderful way to stay connected to family, especially if you’re living on the other side of the country (or the world) from the ones you love most or the friends you can’t see as often as you’d like. But the flip side of that coin, is that we see what other people are doing, and we often compare ourselves to that.

I’m a writer and have spent the better part of the last two years writing a book and trying to get it published. When picking up a new book, I would catch myself comparing my words to the author’s. I would sit back, on occasion, and think, what’s the point? I can’t write like that, so why bother?

When scrolling through social media, I would see the success of other writers, and feel my jealousy sap the joy from my bones.

It isn’t a happy feeling.

For you, it may not be writing. Perhaps it’s other things you see your connections do.

Maybe it’s the friend that bakes with her kids every weekend.

Maybe it’s the dad who constantly takes his children for hikes or bike rides on Saturday mornings.

Maybe it’s the person who has achieved the goal you want to achieve.

Maybe it’s the person who seems to have their life together, while you see the piles of dirty dishes and clothes that need washing and struggle with balance.

But there are a lot of things you should remember before you compare your life to theirs.

First of all, we’re still in the midst of a pandemic. Life isn’t unfolding as it usually would. The opportunity to create memories with extended family or friends may feel more limited than usual. Give yourself some grace. Many of us aren’t operating at our best possible level, and that’s okay!

Social media is almost always an overly simplified look at someone else’s life. Most of the time, users post the good stuff, but keep the harder moments private. Much like yours, their life isn’t always lollipops and rainbows.

There are also other things to remember:

Your financial situations are different.

Your family dynamics are different.

Where you live may be observing different COVID standards than others.

The military may be restricting your visitation options more than your civilian friends’.

Your family member or friend may not work, while you’re attempting to work from home, parent kids, and be a teacher, all in one.

You’re aren’t a perfect parent.

You aren’t a perfect spouse.

And that’s okay, because the other folks aren’t perfect, either.

Social media can be a terrible catalyst for comparison, but don’t let it steal your joy. Take heart in the cool parts of your life, in the quiet moments you share with your family and spouse, in the unique experiences you have as a milspouse, even if you don’t share those publicly on social media.

And if you aren’t yet where you want to be, know that you still have time.

Time to develop your creativity, your goals, your dreams to go back to school. There will be time to find joy in where you’re living and make new friends.

For now, find joy in your own life, comparison-free. You’ll be happy when you do.