Dear Military NICU Mom

Dear Military NICU Mom,

I see you. I see that your minutes feel like days and that your world is falling apart around you. I see that you feel crushed by the weight of the unknowns and are full of fear, anger, sadness, isolation, and anticipation.

I see that you are so worried about your child that it is almost impossible to focus on your own healing and recovery. I see that you want to bond with your child to hold them and learn how to be a mother alongside them but are working with the schedule of the NICU which can make you feel like you’re already failing at parenthood.

I know that you probably feel like running away.

That you feel like grabbing your child and going home but at the same time that makes you feel selfish because at the end of the day you really just want your child to be okay.

I know trying to decide how you want to feed your child is already a hard enough decision and the disappointments of not being able to make the decision how you thought you would is just another weight you have to bear.

NICU Military Momma maybe you knew this would be your road before you even gave birth or maybe it was a complete shock that as you gave birth your child was wheeled away from you to be taken into Intensive Care.

Military Momma, maybe you are like me.

You feel so far from family and this is just another part of the military life that you feel would be so much easier as a civilian because as isolating as the NICU is for any mom, you feel even more removed because you are far from your family and friends and in a city that is completely foreign and unknown to you.

Oh, dear NICU Military Mom, I know you are so strong with all you have faced with the constant moves, the husband being deployed, the constant unknowns of military life, and yet still this may still be the roughest road you have had to hoe.

But, Military NICU mom… you are not alone.

Even at 2 am in that hospital bed as you wait for the next session you can hold your child you are not alone. You can do this. You are one of the many other Military Moms who have persevered through the fight.

There have been other spouses like myself who have been in your shoes, and I can tell you that the days in the NICU do end. Though it may seem like the life of driving countless hours back and forth to see your beloved little child may never end, know that it will.

And also know this…..

Know that your child can sense your love and how you fight for them. Know that even though right now you are not able to bond with your child in the way you envisioned the fight for your child’s safety and well-being is a strong bond that is unlike any other.

Know that now, when I face sleepless nights with my 6-month-old baby at home with me, it makes me not take one single one for granted and feel thankful rather than frustrated or worn down because I know how hard I fought to have nights like these.

Don’t forget, you need Support!

Don’t close yourself off from the world, this is a mistake I made. When I finally found the strength to reach out to my community, I saw love and support I never knew existed, especially within the military realm. I started to hear just how many other moms have been through what I went through. I received flowers, food, texts, and calls and gained lifelong friends.

People can’t support you if they don’t know just how dark your valley is. 

Find your support from trustworthy sources such as church communities or trusted programs/ resources such as by calling Military One Source where they have free counseling services.

Be wary of Facebook pages that can cause more grief and hurt and protect your precious heart and mind in this fragile time period. If someone offers to fly out to support you, say yes.

If you do not have a single person in this world that is offering support know you are never alone. There is a God who loves you and can provide true comfort that is deep in your soul.

Let people know you are hurting.

Be honest with your NICU nurses about your struggle and pain. People who work in the NICU have very special hearts and they truly do have compassion.

Find ways to make you smile. My husband and I would find the smallest ways during our stay in the hospital to smile. We would trade out the blanket in his bed for me to be able to sleep with so I could smell him, and he could smell me as we both drifted off to sleep in different places.

We would play Disney songs over our son’s NICU bed and tell him all about the day we would take him to Disneyland for the first time. In the hallways, there were coloring pages posted on the walls. We would stop and add some color to the black-and-white pages which made us feel that we were contributing some sort of brightness to the darkness and fear around us.

One day we even made a sushi date night where we got sushi delivered and ate it from my hospital bed and pretended, we were on a fancy date.

Whatever it takes NICU momma, do what you need to do to find some light and some joy.

You are so strong.

You are doing a good job.

You are a fighter.

Your child is a fighter.

Take a deep breath.

Try to get some sleep.

And, know there is another military NICU momma out there whose heart is with you as you fight this battle.

You can do this.

Lots of love,

Your fellow Military NICU Mom

 

Lindsey Rauch is a “madly in love” Army wife to her husband Matt, proud mother to her 6-month-old son Malachi, dog momma to her blonde husky-collie mix, and a business owner. Lindsey’s passion is families and marriages. She has her M.S in Family Marriage Therapy and M.S in Mental Health and Wellness for Family and Marriage Dynamics from Grand Canyon University. She is currently the Fort Bliss PWOC Retreat Coordinator. She loves facilitating opportunities for women to meet and get connected. Lindsey is a speaker, blogger, mentor, and motivator.

*To read more about Lindsey, visit our Command Team Bios on AWN’s homepage.