From First Meeting to Besties

Tomorrow I’m meeting Jordan.

We’re meeting up at my favorite Italian restaurant because it was left up to me to pick the location. We’re meeting up because Jordan asked a question on Facebook. And, well, I honestly don’t know why it continued any further than my answering of that question.

Tomorrow I’m meeting Jordan.

One of us is brand new to the area and just unpacking HHG while the other is probably leaving in some number of months that could be counted on one hand. Not to say that timeframe is official or anything. PCS orders change and just because there’s such a thing as a DEROS date doesn’t mean it is set in stone. But…

Tomorrow I’m meeting Jordan.

We’ll make small talk about which branch our service members are in, what duty stations we’ve been at, and how long we’ve been milspouses. We’ll eat delicious pasta. Maybe drink some wine. Chat about all things related to this duty station.

Tomorrow I’m meeting Jordan.

I wonder if we’ll laugh and talk like it’s easy. I wonder if we’ll become friends. Good friends. The kind you weren’t expecting…

It seems that’s how good friendships work—completely unexpected, and you really can’t force them. You don’t plan for them. You either mesh or you don’t. I count myself lucky that I’ve had friendships grow out of each chapter of my life.

Growing up, I had the same two best friends since I was 6 years old, and we all lived in the same neighborhood up until college. During high school, I gathered a few more and the same went for college and the seven years I worked as a teacher. From all of these time periods came my closest friends, and many of them still form my core group. But none of us live near each other anymore and that is hard.

As a military spouse, you’ll probably come across a lot of advice about making friends once you land in a new place. I believe there is nothing wrong with any of that advice, but after almost a decade (still a couple more years to go) of calling myself a military spouse, I do not personally have any advice to offer on the topic of meeting new friends. And that is hard.

I don’t count myself as antisocial, but I do take a while to warm up. In this military life, sometimes you don’t get that kind of time to develop a real friendship. I’ve gotten close to people at duty stations, enjoyed hanging out with them a lot, and then after moving and some time goes by…we’re downgraded to “social media” friends that rarely interact. Certainly, I love seeing their posts, photos, and messages, but it doesn’t compare to actually being there and that is hard.

So, while I cannot give you a step-by-step tutorial on how to make—or keep—friends, I can tell you that it is absolutely okay if you find it hard. You aren’t the only one. I’m right there with you and I’m willing to bet we aren’t the only two.

Lastly, maybe you’ll find it encouraging to know that I’ve met my “Jordans” here on Okinawa and at various duty stations. Some of them turn out to be friends, some of them don’t. Either way, it’s all right. I fully believe that even if it’s hard or you feel awkward about it and wish there was an easy-to-follow process to get you from first meeting to besties, you shouldn’t stop trying to meet new people.