Friends: Make Them, Keep Them

I remember the Girl Scouts song: “Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver, and the other gold.” I didn’t know how important having friends in adulthood would be when my 10-year-old self sang that song. I want everyone to have a life full of friends and a strong network they can reach out to when facing life’s joys and sorrows.

Consider the friend role. Be thoughtful about what information and emotions are shared with friends and what action is expected from friends. Guard the sharing times as a time to build each other up.

I have a good friend from just about every phase of my life and one best friend that I have known since high school. Each of my friendships has a different focus, almost a language all our own. Most of my good friends are from work relationships, and each can be counted on when I have something to share. My best friend is someone I can spend time with without saying a word.

Generally, my first step in making a friend is to make an acquaintance. I practice small talk when sharing a new space with someone. Consider examples like the line at the commissary or while waiting to pick up the kids at their new after school program at the Armed Forces Y.

My goal is to find out more about the location we share and possibly learn more about my fellow humans’ stories. Most of the acquaintances and friends I made as a milspouse did not extend past our transition to civilian life, and that is on me, not them. I was unable to translate the changes I was going through to something familiar to share with my milspouse friends. You can bet that I remember the adventures and challenges I shared with my milspouse friends, though. Those memories will always warm my heart.

I can remember the first day my best friend and I met in September 1976. I was new to town and lonely. I sat next to her on the school bus, and as we started talking, I found out she was new too. She seemed more mature than most of the other high school girls I had met. I hadn’t met her before because she usually drove her dad’s pickup to school. Wow! She had a license to drive and wasn’t 16 yet! I had to know more about this person that had the independence I craved.

I am pretty sure her story was more important to our early days. She had learned how to get things done and had to work more than anyone else I knew at our age. Her passion and energy came from what she had done to support her family’s business over the years. We solidified the start of our friendship by joining Junior Achievement together. I rode with her to the meetings and served as an officer of our company. Our company manufactured wooden keychains. My new friend ran the woodworking tools and taught the rest of us skills to get our manufacturing process going. Our friendship grew from the first adventures in Junior Achievement to supporting each other during so many life joys and challenges through the next 44 years.

Sharing those years together didn’t just happen.

A friendship, like any relationship, needs to be nurtured. High school friendships may not last when graduation removes daily contact.

Individuals experience different periods of growth. If a bond is to remain and grow, both parties need to adjust and find common ground, even when commonalities don’t exist.

But, watch out for jealousy and neediness—they can kill a friendship.

My friend and I were both married after high school and stood as witnesses in each other’s weddings. Then we separated: she moved away to start a life in another state, and I divorced and considered my own new beginnings, making plans to return to college.

The friendship might have ended then, but we stubbornly kept in contact, paving the way to a stronger bond.

Friendship can span generations. After I had my second cancer operation and was not yet cleared to drive, my best friend’s daughter swooped in after a winter ice storm and delivered me to her mom. I will remember that surprise visit forever.

A fortune cookie message says: “Friends are more valuable than money.”

Make a friend and work to keep an old friend. Reach out to someone you meet when you are the new person in the room. Text or send a card to an old friend to let them know you are thinking of them and how much they mean to you. Treat all relationships with respect and encourage each other’s growth.

Welcome friendship, and let it evolve—it can’t be forced.