Humorous Hacks: Back-to-School
Can you feel the excitement in the air? It’s got more pop than fireworks on the 4th of July, and the anticipation rivals that going-to-bed-on-Christmas-Eve feeling.
That’s right, my friends. It’s back-to-school time! (Oh. Not everyone gets this excited? Weird.)
In keeping with my past tradition for vacation season or during the holidays, I thought I’d share some humorous hacks for all things Back-to-School.
Grab your number two pencils and crisp new notebooks, and get ready because these hacks will undoubtedly revolutionize your back-to-school experience. (Actually, they probably won’t. But hopefully they do make you grin!)
1. One thing I struggle with regarding back-to-school is getting the kids in a routine, especially when it comes to earlier bedtime and waking up in time for school. It’s chaotic and stressful, and I don’t want to deal with this, especially when my spouse is deployed or TDY. Help!
Hack: I understand your struggle. I recommend you treat getting back into the routine similar to a major military mission, such as D-Day. Make a plan, then execute and adapt. Do what it takes. If you don’t want to spend the dollar bills to buy blackout curtains, go ahead and spray paint your windows black. I’m sure your landlord won’t mind. For every minute your kids fight going to bed, make them do five push-ups. (It might not get them into bed faster, but at least they’ll be ripped). If you have surround sound, program Reveille to blast at 0600 every morning. Sure, your kids might be angry, but at least they’ll be awake.
2. Back-to-school supply shopping stresses me out. I dread it every year. But obviously, it’s a necessary evil for me. How can I make it more pleasant?
Hack: Wait. Is this actually an issue?! I love shopping for all things school/office supplies. Sticky notes are soothing to my soul. Inky pens are more comforting than any amount of chocolate or wine. Supply shopping is my jam. Feel free to ship your supply list to me, and I’ll do the shopping for you. Actually, I might even pay you to let me get your kids’ supplies. Next question, please.
3. I know it’s kind of a “thing” to get haircuts before going back to school, but my kids refuse to cooperate. My daughter now has hot-mess-express tangled hair every day, and my son looks like a homeless scarecrow. What should I do to get our groom on?
Hack: I see two options here. Number one: Tell the kids’ teachers that you are going natural and letting your kids have “free spirits” about their personal hygiene choices. (This also removes the pressure to bathe them daily). Or, number two: You can just give them both a buzz cut and say they’re practicing for their future experience at basic training or ranger school. Your call.
4. This year marks all of my kids being old enough to go to school, and I’m sad. I think I’m going to be incredibly lonely. I don’t know what to do with myself.
Hack: I’m sorry, could you repeat the question? I couldn’t hear you over the blissful silence surrounding me with no tiny humans in the house. Just kidding. My children are wonderful, and I love them very much. But seriously—enjoy this time! Do things you haven’t been able to do for years, like eat with two hands or go to the bathroom by yourself. Take a nap. Go for a run. Drink a cup of coffee while it’s still hot. Adult. Celebrate your accomplishment of getting them to this point in life. You did it!
5. I’m kind of an anomaly in the area of back-to-school since our family has chosen to homeschool our four children. Do you have any advice for a successful year of homeschooling?
Hack: Oh, you’re my hero. God bless your courage. May the odds be ever in your favor. #ThatsAllIHaveToSayAboutThat #HomeschoolersAreMyHeroes
Readers, do you have any humorous back-to-school hacks? Which one shared above is your favorite? Comment below.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe the aisles of school supplies are beckoning me to browse them.
