In the Midst of Chaos: Rapid Deployments
“Letting you know… I’m deploying on Friday.”
This was the text I received one morning as I was getting ready to begin my day. My friend, Catherine, along with so many others, would be deploying somewhere overseas for who knows how long and doing who knows what.
Her text was one of many. By the end of the first week, I was on a roller coaster of “guess what?” I saw couples rushing to the PX to pick out wedding bands. Another friend of mine bought a very early birthday cake for her daughter. My little ones were coming home from school sharing their sadness with me, almost daily, about the news of yet another friend departing.
Deployments have a way of moving families around the globe.
One by one our lives are affected. The local girl scout troop’s largest event on post was cancelled due to the fact that many of their own volunteers had deployed. My 18-year-old son, who works at a food place on post, served an incredibly long line of soldiers their last meal before they boarded buses to the airport. Catherine called me to ask if she could use me as an emergency contact and caretaker for her children should something happen to her husband.
It was so hard having these discussions, but with a firm chin we got through it. All the while, the media was reporting that everything was now over and done with.
It couldn’t have been further from the truth.
The sudden and drastic change in atmosphere greatly affected my 9-year-old son. We took his school up on their offer to put him into a small group where he would be able to talk about his feelings with his peers under the guidance of a professional counselor.
My soldier was put on standby, but so far, nothing has come of it except for getting documents signed and submitted, packing gear, purchasing needed items, and beginning the emotional roller coaster that accompanies deployment.
I suppose this means I am one of the “lucky ones,” but many have a different experience.
I learned of soldiers who, instead of ringing in the New Year like everyone else, received word to pack up and head out.
Just like that.
Three days after Catherine got the news she spoke to her mother on the phone and fell apart. And then recently, she learned that she would not be going after all.
That news brings conflicting emotions. On the one hand, the son who cried for her gets to keep her home—for now. On the other hand, part of her heart longs to be with her fellow soldiers, serving alongside them.
Catherine’s is just one story; there are countless more.
Here are two others:
Jennifer, a soldier in the United States Army Reserve
“Every year comes with new challenges that as individuals and as a family we know we must endure. This New Year’s Eve was particularly special for us, as just minutes before midnight, we opened our baby gender reveal box to find out that our second child will be a boy.
This was supposed to be one amazing year as we prepare to expand our family, not only with a new baby, but also with a puppy our daughter got for Christmas. But on the Three Kings Day (Jan. 6, 2020), a festivity that we celebrate in our culture, we found out that my husband would be deploying.
Everything took an unexpected twist, and we knew that nothing was going to be as we planned. I could say that we are one of the lucky ones because our family ended up having a bit more than two weeks to physically and emotionally prepare for this separation. I completely understand that this is part of a soldier’s duty and that the mission always come first, but I can’t help feeling overwhelmed considering that we were just reunited as a family nine months ago after my husband completed various training last year.
I’m five months pregnant, living far away from relatives, with a daughter that just turned 6. I know that this is so hard for her—this will be our second deployment as a family—but the first for my husband. I am a soldier in the United States Army Reserve, and I deployed back in 2016 when we lived in Puerto Rico and had a much stronger support system. So, as we prepared for this deployment, we did all that we could to be ready. Thankfully there are a lot of resources available for us to succeed.
I don’t know if I’ll personally reenlist as things can get really complicated for dual military families.”
Stephanie, a Crisis Counselor
“Even in the middle of all this, all the worry and all the fear, I will forever be thankful that I married a man who is willing to answer his country’s call, even on short notice with next to no time to prepare. A man willing to miss birthdays, anniversaries, the births of his children, the funerals of his closest family, his baby sister’s wedding, and his chance to see his brother for the first time in over a decade.
All of the reasons many don’t go, are the very reasons he will. And he will do everything he can not to show his anxiety, fear, or hurt. He will be as strong as possible while his heart is breaking for his children.
‘A soldier doesn’t fight because he hates what is in front of him, he fights because he loves what he left behind.’
My actual thoughts on the matter:
His sudden departure sucked, but I can adjust my mindset to deal with it. The bigger issue was my oldest daughter. She has severe anxiety and a severe adjustment disorder and doesn’t handle stress well. Finding out that her dad would be leaving before the end of the week made her break down.
There was no time for our children to spend with him.
He was up before the sun rose and home late, trying to make sure everything at work was ready to go. When he wasn’t there, he was packing or ensuring his soldiers were ready or trying to catch up on sleep. We spent money—so much money—making sure he had everything he needed and that his soldiers had everything they needed. Putting together bags with snacks, drink mixes, playing cards, and other things they would need while they traveled.
On top of that, service members were told they could not bring any electronics. There was now the added stress of not knowing when we would hear from him.
While we were rushing to get everything set for him to leave, so many of the children I work with were falling apart around me because their parents were leaving too. For many of them, this would be the first deployment, so they didn’t know how to handle the situation. Children in school were emotional and crying, my neighbors didn’t know how to comfort their own children.
How do you deal with that when you have never experienced it before? As the child of a soldier or their significant other? How do you fit months of preparations into a few days?
You don’t, you just kind of shut your brain off and check things off your list.
Not knowing exactly when, just knowing it’s within x amount of days. Not knowing how long or where they will be sent. It’s hard. It’s harder for our kids, but it’s a different kind of pain for us.
And then at the end of it all, when you’re down to just hours before they are to board a plane, they’re basically told, ‘never mind.’
It was a blow to the gut.
To put my children through so much heartache and stress, then placed on standby, not knowing if he is going or not. Of course, I’m happy that he is home for the time being, but I had put myself into a mental space where I could ignore my own emotions for the sake of my own kids and those I was supporting. For the deployment not to happen made me angry. Not just for myself, but for every family who went through hell that week only to have nothing come of it.
We had family drive 11 hours to us to say ‘goodbye for now,’ people from several states away took off from work and made their way to us in order to see him before he left. It affects so much more than just our immediate family. If there is a ‘next time,’ who knows if they will be able to see him.”
I am fortunate to have brave friends, willing to be vulnerable and share this part of their journey with their military community in hopes that reading their stories will open eyes, reach hearts, and stir someone to step in for the families who, in their own right, also sacrifice for our country.
Life on post has been very different. Neighbors have moved away, the traffic to enter the installation has been backed up five miles back, schools are sharing when counselors will be available, and every day, something new seems to change.
I’m sure this doesn’t make much sense to civilians, but that is why I want to share these stories. How could moms, dads, husbands, and wives choose serve? How could their families support this decision?
I heard a quote that says, “The men and women who serve our country choose to serve our country despite the cost that comes with it, not only for them but for all of the families left behind.”
These are their stories.
These are your stories.
We hear you and want you to know that you are not alone. We will get through this together.
You are not alone.
