Recon Rendezvous: Milspouse Marriage Advice (Part 4)
Welcome to AWN’s Monthly Recon Rendezvous! We’re so glad you’re here. As the name implies, Recon Rendezvous is a place of community and connection. It’s an opportunity to explore and learn about our fellow military supporters’ lives, victories, trials, and experiences.
Each month, we “rendezvous” here to provide information, resources, and encouragement. Thanks for contributing to the interactive empowerment of military spouses around the globe!
Alas, here we are—the final chapter of our milspouse marriage advice miniseries. (Don’t miss Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3). I’ve waited until the end to share my personal milspouse marriage advice, mainly because patience is a virtue (and as a milspouse, I always need an opportunity to practice that!).
I’ve been married to my Beloved Infantryman for nearly eight years and involved in a military relationship for almost a decade. I’ve learned a lot and continue to do so on a daily basis. I’m grateful to say I’ve grown a ton and sincerely hope my husband would agree. (Again, I’m most certainly still a work in progress!)
I’ve been blogging with AWN for more than four years, and I’ve shared a lot of relationship advice and lessons over the years. But some of my highlights include some bits of advice like this:
Learn to live by the no-plan plan. Don’t blame your spouse when your plans get hijacked; chances are, they aren’t thrilled about the change either, but they can’t fix it so don’t take your frustration out on them. Extend grace. Find the humor wherever you can, even if it’s during the stress of a deployment or homecoming. Be grateful. And probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned: Respect your spouse. They know you love them, but they never tire of hearing how you respect them.
On to your milspouse marriage advice:
“Be willing to forgive. There will be situations loaded with stress, like post-deployment months. It does affect the marriage. Be willing to give it time and work on it through the ugly and hard. Understand you don’t come first. Their service does, as painful and annoying as it may be at times. Be their cheerleader. There will be times they need you to believe in them. Having faith in them can truly make the difference. It can be easy to give up and leave, but stay in the marriage through the hard when it won’t stop raining. This takes strength and know you will eventually like each other again. Heal together post deployment and let them know they can trust you. It creates a strong bond that can last a whole military career and beyond.” — Ally D.M.
“Make the best of all of it: Celebrate career accomplishments, enjoy each other, have fun, Skype and video chat, ask questions when you need help navigating military life, pray and be thankful.” — Angie A.
“We’re in South Korea currently, and one thing that I had to realize is that I’m home all day by myself, so when my partner gets home I just want to spend time with him! However, all he wants is some alone time to unwind from working. So I give him his space but we always fall asleep watching a movie together. On Sundays we have date night.” — Amber K.P.
“Patience. It’s the best thing you can have. Understand your partner works hard and has situations at work they can’t tell you about. Just always be there for them and support them. Allow them to have their space and peace. Don’t beg them to tell you everything.” — Jane C.
“Establish great communication by owning our own feelings and not pointing fingers.” — Tamera C.
“My husband is out now, but I’d say trust, keeping them in the now of what’s going on at home, not pushing to get stories from war out of them, keeping yourself busy, and being independent are my pieces of advice.” —Andrea G.
“Allow them to come home and relax. Communicate throughout the day. Don’t nag and complain about what the movers broke or how you hate your new duty assignment. Your spouse likely already feels bad enough. Give them some lovin’ in the bedroom! (Wink!) Tell them how much you appreciate them and they will do the same in return. Be each other’s best friend, because remember: you are in this together! I’ve been with my best friend for 13 years.” — Jody R.
Well, dear readers, that’s a wrap for this miniseries. Which piece of advice touched your heart the most? Did we miss any? Chime in by leaving a comment and enter our giveaway below. Next month, we’ve got something “fun” coming your way on the 1st, so we look forward to seeing you then for another Recon Rendezvous blog.
Pick your battles: not every argument is worth winning.
Staying in contact with old boyfriends on social media isn’t ok. It’s only harmful to your marriage and family. Leave them in the past and focus on your marriage.
Don’t make your life solely about sacrifice. You need to have fun and enjoyment too.
Speak up when you’re in need. Struggling and not telling your spouse makes everything worse.