Scheduling Love
When last we met, my husband Chris and I had passed all of our infertility tests and were moving onto treatments. Treatment (in this instance) is a nice way of saying, we’re going to tell you when to “try” to get pregnant. And trust me—there’s nothing like being told, “You have intercourse tonight”* to kill any mood.
*You didn’t read that wrong, that is the exact sentence I was told by German nurses multiple times.
Before being told to “try,” they brought me in (sometimes multiple times a week) to see where I was in my cycle. If you’re like me, biology was not your strong suit. I took a sex education class in middle school and a biology class in high school. Apparently, those classes didn’t adequately prepare me for this journey.
Little Tip: We don’t all ovulate on the 14th day of our cycle. And you also don’t always ovulate on the same day of your cycle. Remember this when scheduling appointments and don’t let them schedule you after the 12th day of your cycle.
One time (and only once) I got scheduled on the 15th day of my cycle. This was after I had ovulated twice very late in my cycle. Well, you can guess what happened—I went in only to be told that I had already ovulated. The resulting frustration took over my day. I was left with the excruciating knowledge that I’d have to wait another month simply because of a mistake.
After your scheduled “try,” they will test your progesterone levels, which is an important hormone early on in the pregnancy. My body does not produce enough, even when pregnant (see the spoiler alert below). There are two ways to take progesterone that I’m aware of—one is a pill and one is a shot.
So, I took my script for progesterone to the German pharmacy and got it filled. I remember thinking I’ve taken pills before, this will be fine—only to have the (thankfully) female pharmacist ask me if I knew how to take this. Cue a very confused look on my face and the sweet older pharmacist try to explain in broken English that this is not a pill you take via your mouth. I definitely left the pharmacy blushing. Trying to get pregnant is so sexy (read: sarcasm).
Little Tip: Make sure your husband understands what is happening as well. If you need help remembering to take something, lean on him. This will also allow him to feel like he is part of the process—which can be heavily one-sided.
And ooohhhh the hormones. The first day that I took the progesterone, I cried four times in one day. That prompted me to look at the side effects and realize that it is in fact the hormones causing me to feel crazy.
“Hi, husband here, this was my favorite part of it all, and with all the hormones that the DOC was pushing through Annie’s system, she was always cool, calm, and collected through it all. We didn’t have a single fight, not one—promisesssss. But for the husbands that may read this, you might need to be the punching bag, or sounding board, or whatever she needs at that moment. I know, I know… You are both going through this, I know, but you are not the one having tons of hormones flooding your body changing everything. Just be there for her and bring flowers, or a card, or ice cream—ice cream is always a winner—or cookies, bake her cookies! Love her and let her lean on you whenever she needs it.”
There were times when my cycle was late by a few days or even a week. And I’d start to convince myself that this is it, this time it worked. Then I’d conceal my excitement because I wanted to surprise my husband with the news in a special and fun reveal. Each time (except the last—have you not read the spoiler yet?) I was dealt that crushing blow.
Hearing a non-native English speaker tell you in a cold tone that you are in fact not pregnant is heartrending. No apology added, they deal with negative results on a daily basis—this is just part of their job. But for you, it’s watching your dreams slip through your fingers further and further away. Two words—not pregnant—can send you crashing down.
Scheduling, to me, felt grueling, slow, and not like anything new. We had been trying for so long before seeing a doctor and had actually used an app to keep track of my cycle. Therefore, this treatment felt like the definition of insanity—trying the same thing, but expecting different results. So I was eager to take the next step.
The next semi-step included taking a trigger shot called Brevactid before intercourse. I can’t even look at the needle when I’m getting blood drawn. So it took me a good couple of minutes to talk myself into actually doing this. And that was after Googling a how-to video.
However, none of this was working, and I was ready to try something different. I came into this process already impatient, so it didn’t take too many times of scheduling before I wanted to move on. But we will have to continue this next month…
For anyone not reading this series chronologically‚spoiler alert—we were very lucky and I’m again (see Was Ist Fertility) currently trying to lull our now almost 5 month old to sleep.
