The 20-Year Mark: A Lifetime

There’s an anniversary my husband and I have been talking about for some time now, and I think the same goes for military families, civilians, and global media. It’s the 20-year mark since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. There’s so much uncertainty on how to approach this day, particularly with the recent events in Afghanistan. One thing I’ve been reflecting on recently is that it feels like a lifetime ago.

And for some, it was. 

Twenty years is a lifetime for many, especially for those who were born around the time the Towers fell. Thousands have given their lives in the Global War on Terror, and thousands of lives were lost that day in 2001. A majority of the service members we recently lost in Afghanistan were in their early 20’s. To be eligible for retirement, the military career minimum is 20 years. It’s truly a lifetime. 

I wish I could tell you the “perfect” way to approach this “lifetime” experience. It will look different for many of us.

Some remember specifics about the day those planes went down. Others now hold the distinction of Gold Star Spouse, Family, Parent, or Child. Service members signed up to serve before, during, and after those big events. Current and former military spouses and family members grapple with questions like “Was it worth it?” and “What’s next?” 

As I’ve reflected on this difficult yet necessary landmark in our nation’s history, here are some of the ways we can approach our 20th anniversary of Patriot Day:

1. Remember. 

Remember those who were in those towers, on those planes, in that Pennsylvania field. Remember the first responders who rushed in without thought to save strangers trapped inside. Remember the fallen service members who gave their lives in the conflicts since that fateful day. Remember the thousands of military families on the home front. Remember. 

2. Recognize.

Recognize that personal circumstances and experiences influence how people respond. Some may spend the day grieving for the years with their loved ones that they lost. Others might celebrate with a sigh of relief that their service member made it back, relationship intact, as they transition from active duty to retirement. Others might be angry with the current state of the world, and others may simply not know how to respond. Recognize that different emotions are just that—different. 

3. Reach out. 

After Sept. 11, 2001, social support was the number one means of coping for the general public. With the advance of social media and online resources, support now comes in more varieties than ever before. The unity we experienced on the days after the attacks was incredible—even I remember that experience as a sophomore in high school. If you’re struggling to process the landmark events or it brings up emotions you didn’t expect, talk to someone. Reach out, be it in person, on the phone, or online. 

4. Refuse to be divided.

As much as I would love to believe that we’re stronger than ever in the two decades since, the general pulse of social media makes me have my doubts (keep in mind that Facebook didn’t even exist in 2001). How beautiful would it be, if, for one miraculous day, we could set our differences aside and just be one nation again? On this day, I refuse to be divided. 

5. Realize this isn’t “the end.”

The recent withdrawal from Afghanistan may give the sense that things are “over” related to the Global War on Terror. While that specific experience didn’t conclude the way many of us had hoped, the United States’s story isn’t over, nor is the mission of the U.S. military. We have an incredible fighting force, truly the best in the world. Although none of wish for war, we know that defending this country will always be a priority. I couldn’t be prouder of my husband, his battle buddies, and all of our service members, past and present. It’s not the end. 

6. Rekindle hope for the future.

Consider our future generations. Things have changed drastically since 2001, from how we fly on planes to having the internet in practically every pocket. Some might say the good ol’ days were better. And yes, there are aspects of the past we may longingly recall. But here we are now, raising up a generation that will carry on our nation’s legacy, more engaged and intelligent than ever before. Here to fight for justice, support others, and defend freedom, sometimes unto death. For future generations, may they never forget—not solely the grief— but rather the strength we’ve gained in recent decades. Rekindle the hope for the future. 

On this momentous day in history, it goes without saying there won’t be the flashy decorations and three-tiered cake. But there will be reflection and silence. There will be some dreams lost, some dreams realized. Flags will be flown, services held. But most of all, may this be an anniversary that our nation, unified, as a whole, will never forget.