The November Burn Out

In order to recognize a trend, it has to happen more than once. But how many times does it take to change a trend? I’m just now recognizing a trend that happens shortly after a PCS—the November Burn Out.

Typically, we PCS around summertime. We move into our new home, and our family slowly adjusts to new schedules, new routines, new norms. And I say “yes” to every opportunity to interact with new friends, in search of my next battle buddies.

Once the kids go back to school in August/September, I start attending spouse events, fitness classes, PTA events, volunteer opportunities, meetups with neighbors, local community events… you name it, I’ve put it on my calendar.

Then October swings around, and my calendar is so full with all of these extra events, plus the fall family things I want to experience, that I’m spending the majority of my time outside of the house. I’m either driving to or from an event or I’m stressing about getting to places on time.

(And let’s not talk about what my house looks like…)

Once November hits… I’m burned out. 

How am I just noticing this trend now? I remember this distinctly happening when we arrived in El Paso in 2016. I remember calling my mom, and she told me that I had to start saying “no.” I literally had to take some time off from working out, and meeting for coffee, and being away from the house nonstop.

But that didn’t stop me from doing exactly the same thing again when we moved to Florida in 2019.

This time, I was putting in even more effort to make friends, because we weren’t near a military installation, and I was desperate to find someone to connect with. Once November hit, I was feeling defeated because I had basically doubled my efforts and didn’t have anything to show for it. Ironically, once I took some time to hang out at home, I made my closest friend!

So, here I am, sitting in another November burn out, because apparently I never noticed this trend, and we just moved here to Kansas this year. If you’re wondering how those first few months have gone… take a guess. Let’s just say… I’m in three different monthly book clubs.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed because I often get a sense of FOMO (fear of missing out), and I can’t quite decide which events to attend. As a fan of lists, I know I have to find what is most important to me. So, what should I prioritize?

Here’s what FastCompany suggests doing to stop over-scheduling yourself:

1. Set your priorities.

Everyone has different priorities, so this won’t be the same for you, but I enjoy working out, helping out at the kid’s school, and spending time with my family on the weekends. So, write five goals/values down that will make it easier to say no to someone if an event doesn’t align.

2. Communicate those priorities.

Friends and family will be less likely to be upset when you turn down an invitation if they’re aware of the goals you’re chasing. And honestly, their happiness does not rest on your shoulders.

3. Don’t say “yes” right away.

Many of us have this desire to please people and not hurt their feelings, but what about your own?! Slow down and ask yourself, “Is this something I need?” and “Is this something I need right now?”

4. If you have to squeeze it in, say “no.”

If you already have a bunch of commitments around the same time, kindly say how you appreciate the thought, but it won’t work out this time.

5. Use a printed monthly calendar.

Calendar programs and apps are great, but they don’t allow you to see your life literally laid out in front of you like a paper calendar can. Use a pencil, and write in the margins, create to-do lists, go wild!

6. Schedule in your personal time.

By simply scheduling it in, it can give you that excuse to say, “I already have plans at that time.” It’s important to realize you can’t perform your job to the fullest or be the best friend, parent, or child you can be until you have completely taken care of yourself.

So, this is my plan, from here on out. And next summer, when I PCS once again, I’m going to change this trend and remember that it’s okay to have an empty calendar! Friendships will happen organically and naturally. There’s no reason to force anything.

Farewell November Burn Out!