You Sacrifice Too

I remember the first time a kind woman came up to my husband in uniform and thanked him for his service and sacrifice, and then turned to thank me too. We were in our second year of marriage, and I hadn’t yet heard that from a stranger. I was caught off guard – – taken aback that someone would turn to recognize me, just a normal woman standing by her serviceman’s side. I felt very undeserving.

I wasn’t the one in uniform.

I wasn’t the one sacrificing.

I wasn’t the one serving.

But in later months, as I processed that more, I realized I was wrong. I was serving. I just didn’t wear a uniform, and my job description looked quite a bit different!

As the months and years have grown, and our military life has become more demanding and challenging, I’ve come to know fully well just how much military spouses and their children sacrifice. And I’ve humbly accepted those words of gratitude from even more strangers as the time has gone on.

In the month of May, we celebrate several military-related observances. Among them are Military Spouse Appreciation Day, and Children of Fallen Patriots Day. Both recognize immediate family of servicemen and servicewomen. These days are honored to recognize you, dear military spouse, and your children.

Because you sacrifice too.

So, to the military spouse who answered the call to love your service member, farewelled your friends, your family, your job, and home as you knew it, to bravely walk this military journey alongside your spouse,

I see what you sacrificed to do so.

To the military spouse who quickly learned military acronyms and lingo, military etiquette, how to address those of different ranks, understanding military time, that on time is late and early is on time, and so much more that no one thinks to warn you about,

I see your efforts in learning how to thrive in this lifestyle.

To the military spouse who fulfills the needs to assist with the unit’s events, accepts a leadership position in the SFRG, the Military Spouse Club, PWOC, volunteers with the USO, makes a phone call to welcome a new military spouse, helps a family pack or unpack a house, brings a meal to a new mother who has no family around, cares for a sick military spouse or offers childcare for one whose service member is away,

I see your big heart to serve others.

To the military spouse who courteously attends all the hail and farewells, dining-ins, military balls, and otherwise fancy functions, whether you truly want to or not,

I see you taking from your own time and commitments to graciously support your service member.

To the military spouse who was just notified of your service member’s new assignment, and immediately joins all the Facebook pages associated with that place, connects with others to learn of the best schools, homeschool programs, housing, churches, extracurricular activities and local attractions,

I see your diligence in looking out for your family’s best interests and helping to make your transition easier.

To the military spouse who has given his/her two weeks notice countless times, because of a PCS, and has been forced to begin the exhausting job search over and over again,

I see your determination to succeed in your own career while also supporting your service member’s career.

To the children of service members, who are confused about PCSing. You don’t understand why you have to move, why your friends have to move, you don’t understand why your new location feels so different.

I see your sadness in leaving the only place you knew as home.

But I see your resilience as you explore and try new things and begin to love your new world.

To the military spouse transitioning into a new house for as many times as the years you have been married. Unpacking the endless stacks of boxes, trying to find a new place for everything, arranging things to be as comfortable and familiar for your kids as possible, donating items that won’t work for the new space, finding furniture that will work, and questioning whether you should bother with curtains or wall décor, because you’re just going to move again next year,

I see the love and energy you pour into making every house feel like home.

To the military spouse feeling alone through your pregnancy while your service member is in the field all of the time, gone on TDY or a deployment. You aren’t feeling well, you’re tired, you’re scared and there is no one there to take care of you.

I see your bravery and strength to carry on as you prepare the baby’s room.

To the military spouse making supper, unsure if your service member will make it home from work in time to join you, frustrated because the kids won’t eat it anyway, feeling defeated for even trying. I see your discouragement as you clean up from another lonely meal at home.

And I see your tenacity for doing it all over again tomorrow.

To the military spouse taking on all of the extra tasks while your service member is on TDY or deployed. Running the kids to their activities, the errands, the bills, the yard work, watching You-Tube videos on how to fix all the things that suddenly broke down, along with your regular responsibilities through your job, school, and housework. I see your utter exhaustion as you barely stay afloat to accomplish all that must be done.

But I see your perseverance and I see that independence breaking through!

To the children of service members who are on TDY or deployed, your world changed instantly, and you can’t form the words to explain how you feel.

You suddenly don’t have that safe presence with whom you snuggle up to and read a book, you don’t have that extra person to throw the football with you in the backyard, or to have a tea party with you. You act out, you can’t sleep and nothing feels right. I see your sadness. But you know what?

I see your immense bravery. And I see you doing your best to have fun in spite of the situation, because you know your Daddy or Mommy would want you to.

To the military spouse whose service member is on TDY or deployed, and cannot be with you in person to watch your favorite show together in the evening, or to snuggle up to at night. To just have a conversation in person, without the phone calls dropping, the internet cutting out, or the time zone differences interfering with quality dialogue.

I see your intense loneliness. Yes, I see you.

You have sacrificed too, and you are not alone! Remember to connect with other military families and walk this road together. It’s way more fun that way, anyway! The military life certainly comes with a cost for the service members and their families serving alongside them.

My hope, however, is that as you’ve read this, you’ve recognized that though we struggle through the challenges, there are so many more positive outcomes that we can create from them. Do you see those words that represent what you’ve accomplished?

I hope you feel empowered.

So, the next time someone offers a word of gratitude to you, dear military spouse and military children, accept it humbly and know it is well deserved.

By LaVaughn Ricci, Military Spouse

*For more perspective on this topic, check out Ways to Say Thank you for Your Service