Attributes of an Army Wife

Years back, when the movie We Were Soldiers came to theaters, I went to see it. It was tough to get through, as I closed my eyes in shock during one scene or teared up over another. But, I really resonated most with the character Julia (Julie) Moore.

She was the wife of Lt. Col. Hal Moore, became leader of the FRG, and took it upon herself to inform fellow Army spouses of their family members’ deaths in combat. I was so drawn to these wives’ experiences, the lengths they took to protect and support each other, and how they championed their husbands for the greater good of the Army, that it was actually my biggest take-away. I could see myself being part of something great like that, but I hadn’t even met my husband yet.

And, I certainly wasn’t on the search to be a military spouse.

Fast forward a year later, I met an Army ROTC cadet, and several years after that, I got engaged to him, and about a week before our wedding, I was already leading my first FRG meeting.

Sometimes, God has a funny way of planting seeds for us.

At some point, I sat down to watch We Were Soldiers with my, then, new husband. I thought again about how much I loved that movie and was looking forward to seeing it with my new lens as an Army spouse. But, when I watched, I realized that very little of the movie actually shows the wives’ lives, their FRG meetings, and their strong Army wife cohort. Most of the movie revolves around the soldiers and way more action and gore than I had remembered. I thought it was interesting which parts I picked out years before and chose to focus on and resonate with up to that point.

Nonetheless, I was obviously meant to be an Army spouse. Now, here we are, several years later, and my husband and I decided to finally give the show Army Wives a try. I had maybe seen one episode forever ago, but he and I both thought it would be silly and so “Hollywood” that it wouldn’t be worth it.

But we’ve surprisingly enjoyed it!

I’ve gained a lot of Army knowledge over the years, but I still don’t know everything (and I never will)! It’s been the best watching this series with my husband. He’s the secret informant, telling me how a certain scene would really go down or how something portrayed in the show would never happen that way in reality. We laugh together over the things that so do happen, the nuances, underlying jokes, even the frustrations. I tear up and we squeeze each other’s hands when a tough scene hits close to home.

Then, we ask, “What character in the show Army Wives do you think you are most like?” The first time we asked each other, we joked. My husband was gruff Frank in the earlier seasons, and I was the always feisty Roxy.

Or maybe he was Chase, who was never home, and I was Claudia Joy, who took charge over everything.

The next time we asked each other, we gave it some more thought. We started seeing bits of every lead character in each of us, respectively. My husband is a strong leader like Michael (though no one can ever promote as fast as they do in Hollywood land), he’s serious and focused like Frank, he wants to fix everything like Roland, he’s constantly pulled between work and home like Chase, and he does have a fun side with our kids like Trevor.

I can lead where needed like Claudia Joy, but also be a people pleaser and overload myself. I try to be sweet and supportive like Denise, I am determined like Joan, I often feel like a single mom like Pamela, and yes, Roxy’s grit is what gets me through it all.

What are your attributes as an Army (or insert branch of military here) spouse? Can you think back to the seeds that may have been planted to prepare you?

It can be fun to relate to Hollywood characters, or compare ourselves with them and fellow military spouses.

But, the best kind of Army spouse I am meant to be is exactly the one God made me to be.

I might be a lot of one character and a little of another, I’ve confused Army protocol a time or two, and I still have a lot to learn. No matter how much I’ve prepared myself for things the Army life throws at us, I still get so frustrated at the never-ending changes. I’m far from the perfect Army spouse. But through my constant refining in life, I know my attributes will be appreciated by others and used for the greater good.

Wherever I’ve gone, I’ve found friends like Julie from We Were Soldiers to gently guide me, I’ve had a Claudia Joy from Army Wives who I could depend on, I’ve been part of a friendship at more than one duty station like Pamela and Roxy. I’ve always found my team, the ladies who got my six. The attributes of an Army spouse I find in them are strength, grit, independence, patience, flexibility, joy, self-sacrifice, a spirit of adventure, and so much more.

They inspire me.

I’ve carried these scattered thoughts with me into the month of May, which is National Military Appreciation Month. Most everyone knows about Memorial Day, the day set aside to remember our fallen. But not everyone remembers Armed Forces Day or Armed Forces Week, a time to honor all who are serving, or have served, in the armed forces.

Not everyone knows about Military Spouse Appreciation Day, a day set aside to recognize the spouses who serve alongside of those in the armed forces.

May is also lesser known as Month of the Military Caregiver, along with other observances such as Silver Star Banner Day to honor wounded veterans, and Children of Fallen Patriots Day, to honor the children of service members who paid the ultimate price for our freedom. These individuals and their family members deserve recognition for the great sacrifices they have paid.

As military spouses, we can utilize our attributes to recognize others, volunteer, and support these missions.

Being part of a military family is being part of something larger than just our own family units. It is a great calling, it is a force that drives us, and it’s a grand extension of ourselves that binds us together as one forever.

We can learn and take from Julie from We Were Soldiers, and add a little Denise, and maybe sprinkle in some Joan or Pamela from Army Wives. Maybe for you, it’s a Lilly, an Amber, a Kyla, a Meredith. Whatever formulation of Army spouse attributes we may have in our lives, or have to offer others, may we use it. I hope that we bind together and allow our attributes as Army spouses to serve the greater good.

You may also like To the New, Young Army Wife, Friends: Make Them, Keep Them, and Be Thankful for Your Army Family.