Hello, My Name is…

I carry a bag of titles around with me. Why? So that I’m prepared to be what I need to be in that moment, when I say, “Hello, my name is…”

I know I’m not alone. Pretty much everyone in the world carries around something similar. Yours might include the words parent, teacher, artist, director, chef, or triathlete. It’s not just about what we do but also who we are.  I am _____________. Insert your titles. Are you kind? Aggressive? Loving? Generous? Bold? Impatient?

The titles we carry are self-identifying labels we wear to share what’s important to us, describe life experiences, and demonstrate the characteristics of our personalities.

Getting Out and About

I went to an in-person meet-up a few weeks ago for the first time in more than a year. It was a small group of military spouses that had met on LinkedIn and connected for professional reasons. We met in the cafe of our local Barnes and Noble, and I was really excited!

Excited to socialize.

Excited to meet new people.

Excited to grow professionally without a Zoom call involved.

And then the time came to introduce myself.

Internally, I sifted through the titles I carry around to find the ones I wanted. My name, my profession, a few topics I’m passionate about professionally, and who I think I am these days. The titles I wore included digital marketer, small business owner, military spouse advocate, homeschool educator, retired military spouse, good listener, and a lady with few inhibitions.

Welcome to me.

Developing Titles

We begin acquiring titles when we’re children. We’re identified by character traits.

“Oh, she’s the smart one.”

“He’s so great at sports.”

“She’s always been a little chubby.”

“He’s terrible at listening.”

We hear these kinds of statements made about our little selves and we often believe them. As a child, you can’t help but begin to internalize what’s said about you.  Without the emotional capability to stand up for ourselves or the encouragement to do hard things, we have a limited ability to change the narrative of the titles that other people place on our shoulders.

As a teenager, we become even more self-critical: Changing bodies, new responsibilities, a desire for independence. It builds the perfect storm of angst, drama, new experiences, and personal growth. The fatal flaw of our teenage life, however, is that we often add titles to ourselves with a critical eye. Think about the types of comments you might hear a teenager say.

“I hate math. I’ve never been good at it.”

“I’ll never get rid of this belly no matter how many situps I do.”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a lot of friends. I’ve always been the weird one.”

The older we get, we start to realize which of these titles truly holds importance to us.

Don’t Be Afraid to Change the Narrative

As I reconnected that day at Barnes and Noble with new friends and professional contacts, I was reminded of something important.

Who I am is not something anyone else decides for me.

I pick my titles. I decide what to invest my time and energy into. And, I’m worthy of the ones that make me feel amazing.

There’s no time to hold on to negative narratives anymore. If there’s anything we’ve learned over the past 18 months, it’s that things can change in a moment. Claim your best self and invest in it, because the titles associated with that are what will bring you joy, comfort, peace, and strength.

Build a community around you that supports all that you want to be. Military spouses are amazing at being strong for each other. Be vulnerable and allow us to be part of your process.

Finally, believe in yourself. Find the conviction that you’re worth every good thing that comes with who you truly want to be.

So, can I ask you a question?

Who are you?

As you sift through your bag of titles, I can’t wait to see the ones you choose for you.