5 Ways to Spread Your Wings as a New Milspouse

I’m finally in Washington! Officially joining my husband and moving out of state for the first time has given me insight into how to rock this latest role in my life.

Here are five ways to adjust and spread your wings as a new milspouse:

1. Nesting isn’t just for when you are pregnant.

My husband and his brother were living in the apartment prior to my arrival, so I was blessed to not have to unpack furniture and boxes. But, I wanted to have the apartment reflect my taste as well and not resemble a bachelor pad. Let’s be honest, two men living together had left a noticeable stench that I was not inclined to tolerate. I busted out the cleaning supplies, made a trip to Target and Michael’s, and got to work.

2. Continue personal hobbies.

I am a mix of introverted and extroverted qualities. I am a social butterfly that likes to fly solo on occasion. Therefore, I require hobbies that can keep me preoccupied when I’ve worn out my friends. Within the first week of living in Washington, I had my library card and scouted out two local parks. An avid reader and “outdoorsy” person in Colorado, I vowed to maintain these beloved hobbies. For those of you stationed in Washington check out the Washington parks or State parks websites for a list of beautiful parks.

3. Explore the installation alone. 

Yes, alone. Without your service member, without a guide, without another milspouse. Just you. My husband and I shared his car for the initial week which forced me to pick him up after work. Being “resourceful” (I use this term lightly here), I googled the location to the installation from where I had been. I entered through the gates, after being nervous that I was going to make some horrible, embarrassing mistake.

(We all know those butterflies. Did I forget my ID? What if they need to search my car?)

I patted myself on the back after successfully entering but soon realized I entered on the Air Force side. None of the buildings nor street names looked familiar. I had plenty of time before I needed to pick up my husband, so I resolved to go exploring. A call to him for directions was needed in the end, but I discovered that having the courage to explore the installation on my own gave me confidence and a sense of control over my surroundings.

4. Take pride in what your service member does.

Learn what makes his/her job different than civilian careers. (Elaine Dumler gives an outstanding tutorial on how to familiarize yourself with the Army in her article Vital Advice for New Military Spouses) The military is unique, and I was curious to see what I could do to assist my service member in all the regulations. I ventured to Pinterest (that lovely black hole that swallows us up) and found some wonderful resources. Armygringo on YouTube provides a tutorial on how to Ranger Roll T-shirts. As I’m sure many of you are aware, Ranger Rolling clothes is used when soldiers deploy and require more room in their bags than normal. Although my hubby is not scheduled to deploy any time soon, I decided to try my hand at this so as to assist him next deployment.

Washing uniforms correctly is another monster I sought to tackle and defeat. I am a lazy person when it comes to laundry. I do not sort or prepare the clothes like I should. Martha Stewart would be ashamed. The specifics of arranging uniforms for wash left me feeling a little impatient, but I see the importance of keeping uniforms fully intact and in right dress condition. SpouseBuzz.com gives five tips on how to wash uniforms correctly. With this tutorial and some simple step-by-step instructions, I successfully washed and dried my first uniform.

5. Expect the first few months to be rocky.

Cry. Give yourself time to grieve. In a way, you are transforming, and grieving while you shed your past chapter in life is absolutely fine. I was standing in the kitchen preparing dinner when the tears welled up. I had been in Washington for two weeks. Categorizing myself as an adventure lover, moving around enticed me. Yet, here I was, homesick. I hadn’t been prepared for this emotion. After all, when my brother had asked during a farewell lunch if I was sad to be leaving Colorado, I had smiled and laughed saying I was ready.

My husband wrapped his arms around me, turned me to face him, and said it was okay to be sad. It wasn’t until that moment, hearing the permission, that I realized I had been ignoring my homesickness. Prior to moving, I had resolved to attack this milspouse role, embrace it, and be strong. I had charged into my new chapter and forgot to allow myself to feel all the emotions including sadness.

So, grab a tissue and let the tears flow, but then wipe them away, gaze around you, give your spouse a kiss, and get going. You’ve got a lot to accomplish, milspouse, and a lot of sky to spread your wings.

How did you survive your transition into becoming a new milspouse? What resources do you have for new military spouses? What challenges did you face? Share in the comments below!