Family Traditions and How They Strengthen Bonds
It’s that time of year when family traditions and celebrations abound. It’s a beautiful, magical time.
However, when faced with a deployment, this season takes on a tinge of blue. I’ve been there.
Last Christmas, I was pregnant, alone, and my hormones made sure I felt all the feelings. I didn’t have my husband home and didn’t have the option to fly as I was too far along in my pregnancy. So, I decided not to do anything for Christmas. I thought it would be more manageable, less stressful, and maybe it would make me feel better about spending it alone.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was feeling especially down one day, so I had lunch with a good friend who was a long-time milspouse and bluntly honest person (I recommend everyone have at least one of these types of friends, especially during a deployment). I told her how it didn’t feel like Christmas without Dave home and how blue it was making me. Her response, “Well, of course, it doesn’t feel like Christmas! You aren’t doing anything Christmassy!”
She was right. I’ll admit it. It sucked not having Dave home for Christmas, so instead of celebrating without him, I threw myself a pity party.
If you’re alone this year, I empathize with the impulse to skip Christmas. It can seem like there are a million good reasons not to do your usual holiday traditions; however, as I learned from experience, and experts agree, you’ll feel more like a family if you do. Keeping the family unit strong during deployments and continuous PCSing is the daunting task that every one of us has undertaken.
Meaningful family traditions have added benefits for our children. Research shows that children who reported their family had multiple traditions grew up to be more generous and secure adults. Win-win. Strengthen your family ties and help your children become more generous adults, all while getting to spend time making memories.
Most of us have at least a few fond childhood memories. Take a second and call one to mind. Most likely, those memories center around a family tradition. Strong families typically engage consistently in birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, vacations, accomplishments, and even daily traditions surrounding things like coming home or leaving.
Lots of family traditions produce lots of warm memories for our children and us.
Engaging in traditions and rituals strengthens our family bonds individually and as a unit, creating stronger and deeper feelings of kinship. It’s a harried season, nonetheless, but observing family traditions often requires us to stop, slow down, and spend quality, face-to-face time with the individuals in our families. These intentional, positive interactions re-center us as a member of a family where we belong, are accepted, and loved, building trust between family members.
What Makes it a Tradition?
A tradition is any behavior or action that is engaged in over and over. Rituals that are performed in the same way and/or at the same time. Traditions are different than habits in that they are done with a specific purpose and require intentionality. They have symbolism associated with them and thought put into them. For example, if you eat pizza and watch a movie with your family one Friday night, it is not a tradition. If you eat pizza and watch a movie with your family every Friday night to celebrate the weekend, it is a tradition. See the difference? Repetition and a reason make the ritual (I prefer the word ritual to tradition because I think it covers more ground, but we will stick with tradition for continuity’s sake).
The reason for the tradition doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It can merely be to get together and find out about your family’s week.
Meg Cox, a family tradition expert and author of The Book of New Family Traditions, defines family rituals as “any activity you purposefully repeat together as a family that includes heightened attentiveness and something extra that lifts it above the ordinary ruts.”
I love this definition (something one rarely says about definitions). It captures the heart of traditions, which is to lift us out of the ruts of our ordinary lives, to have significant moments honored with heightened attention, and to give something extra to our everyday. For example, food is often at the center of our traditions and holidays. Cooking is something commonly done, but when done together or as a tradition surrounding a holiday, it is elevated and becomes something extra special instead of mundane.
Types of Traditions
Traditions help us to express unity as a family, and there are as many different types of traditions as there are different families. There are daily, weekly, and yearly traditions.
• Daily traditions are established around routines, such as special bedtime stories or rituals surrounding our loved ones leaving or arriving home. One of the simplest and most powerful ways to show love and belonging in an everyday way is by acknowledging your family members’ coming and goings. Intentionally greeting them or saying goodbye to them when they leave.
• Weekly traditions, for example, can be your family’s Taco Tuesday, pizza night Thursday, or the cooked breakfast on Saturday morning. They are the things you know will be happening, and can look forward to as a family. These traditions are more frequent and less high profile than holiday or birthday counterparts, but equally as important.
Traditions communicate to our family members that they are known and allow us to serve as witnesses to each other’s daily lives. Build the memories and strengthen your family’s bond this holiday season by incorporating traditions, then spread some other traditions throughout the year.
Featured image by Tyler Nix, Unsplash
