The Benefits of Family Traditions
“We are what we celebrate,” Meg Cox writes. Our traditions are an outward expression of our family identity. The traditions we observe and the meaning behind them communicate family values to our children and others. The types of traditions we teach our children, and that were taught to us as children, are one way our family values get passed down from one generation to the next. For example, a family that values community service may have a tradition of volunteering at a soup kitchen or food bank together.
The scary thing is we teach our children about our family identity all the time by the activities we engage in as a family. Worried about the message that gift-centric traditions might be communicating to your children? Start a gratitude tradition! That is why intentionality in observing traditions is so important; without it, you forfeit your power to forge your family’s own identity. However, what makes traditions effective is that they bring together the family, foster connection, and have a purpose, and you get to chose that purpose.
Family Traditions Provide Unity and a Sense of Belonging
Our family recently spent Thanksgiving with friends who have a tradition of cooking tamales along with the usual Thanksgiving Day fare. Many of us have similar family traditions that highlight our cultural heritage.
Traditions have the power to connect us to our past and give us a sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves. Certain traditions can be handed down and tie together multiple generations. If you don’t have family traditions like that, starting a tradition that connects your family to their cultural heritage is an opportunity to learn and celebrate that heritage. It can give your family members a stronger sense of belonging and personal identity.
We see evidence of how knowing and having a connection to culture provides people with a firmer understanding of their identity and sense of belonging. This is one reason services like Ancestry.com and 23andMe have been so successful. They offer connections to an individual’s past, giving them a sense of belonging and grounding that so many searching for. Traditions can do the same thing.
Again, you don’t have to have some centuries-old tradition in your family to do this. That’s cool if you do, but all it takes is a little research to start a new tradition to connect your family with its history. It can be an excellent opportunity to learn about your family history together and celebrate what makes your family you.
Family Traditions Provide Security.
In an ever-changing world and our ever-changing lives, traditions become touchstones for our family. This is where the daily, weekly, and yearly traditions come together to weave a fabric of security around our family’s life.
The daily reassurances that happen to tell us we are seen, loved, and belong.
The weekly to know that, even when we have moved to a new town and are in a new school, pizza night is still Friday or family breakfast will still happen on Sunday.
The yearly to tie the story together and meaningfully mark our passage of time together.
Traditions make the many moments of our lives into a cohesive narrative by providing meaning and continuity. Marking the passage of time in a meaningful and celebratory way also has the benefit of teaching our children to embrace the seasonality of life—something that can be hard to do, given how separate our lives have become from nature. Continuing to acknowledge and honor the rhythms of life and finding things to celebrate even in hardship can help teach your family the nature of life cycles. Though this is far easier said than done when waiting for a deployment to end. But after all, even deployments are just seasons in our family’s life. They have a beginning, middle, and end, and boy, do we get to celebrate the end!
Practical Advice for Implementing New Family Traditions.
Many of us have inherited a multitude of family traditions, either from our family of origin or through matrimony. It can be difficult to accommodate all your family’s and your spouse’s family traditions while leaving room for your own family’s unique traditions to take root. When it comes to traditions, and I can’t stress this enough, choose quality over quantity. Carefully consider which traditions communicate your family’s values and fit well within your lifestyle. Likely your family already has some positive family traditions you would like to strengthen and continue.
And while I know how excited you are to start some new ones, remember, when adding traditions a little goes a long way. Try not to do too much at once. If it feels forced or unnatural, it may foster more negative feelings than positive. Timing is important too.
Some traditions may be best started when your children are a little older or need to morph as they age. It’s okay to let some go if your family has outgrown them. They will always keep the memories surrounding them, and it makes room for new ones.
Go ahead, I give you permission. Prune away some old traditions that you no longer feel represent your family identity or the identity you would like to foster. Traditions don’t have to be fancy, stuffy, or ceremonial. They are how we celebrate our lives together, so take the time to celebrate. Celebrate coming back together as a family after a deployment or a long workday, celebrate the end of the workweek or Taco Tuesday, celebrate the passing of the seasons, celebrate the years that mark your children growing up, and your marriage maturing. Let us together embrace the passing of time with memories of traditions earmarking our family’s important and happy moments.
For another article filled with warmth, humor, and great holiday traditions, check out Ginger Ale Thanksgivings.
