Lucky 13 Marriage Tips

Love is beautiful. It seems to live in everything the world encompasses, from the soft and gentle way the crisp mountain wind runs through my hair, to the playful ocean tide that graces my feet. While the beauty of love blinds most eyes with its glistening sparkle, it’s important to remember that love also comes with challenges. As a painter adds details to her painting on canvas, each brushstroke has a meaning and purpose—beautiful, yet filled with small flaws and differing strokes. The painting is just like love, full of beauty but flawed along the way.

I have been crafting my art piece of love with my husband for more than 13 years now. We met and fell in love 15 years ago and recently celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. While I wish I could say that marriage has been easy with every brushstroke, I cannot.

Marriage is made from two imperfect people trying to live and embark on the journey of life together.

As our marriage has grown over the past 13 years, I have learned 13 different aspects that made our marriage a wonderful piece of art; not perfect, but still beautiful.

1. Marry your best friend.

I honestly love my time with my husband. We have our own inside jokes, and I find myself always wanting to spend my free time with him more than anything. Even if it’s strolling around Target.

2. He is my only one—no others.

When life hits its absolute lows, I find myself crying out for him. Our lows have not been featured in those beautifully perfect Facebook posts. We have had it out a few times, but in the end, we always end up going to the other one. There is no one else I’d rather run to, even if I’m upset.

3. Marriage is rough.

Yes, I just said to marry your best friend and he is mine but that doesn’t make either of us perfect humans. We are two imperfect humans who naturally want what is best for ourselves. Being married has shown me how selfish I can really be and what desires I have. It also showed me how imperfect we all are as humans and how it takes work to make a marriage work—even with your best friend.

4. It’s the small moments that matter most.

Movies always portray the big moments that make or break a marriage, which, while they can shape a marriage, it’s the small moments (before and after those big moments) that impact the longevity of a relationship. It is the good mornings, the I cleaned up the houses, the what can I do to helps, the I’m sorrys. Those seemingly little moments reinforce and strengthen our vows to each other when big events happen.

5. Patience is critical.

It’s easy to tear into someone when you get angry, especially the more comfortable you are around them. By doing that, though, it shatters those “little moments” (mentioned above) and takes even longer to build them back up. Because we are the closest ones to our significant other, it’s easy to know what to say to really hurt them during a fight. Patience and learning to calm down have helped end pointless arguments. For me, this is still a struggle as I tend to be more hot-headed.

6. Learning empathy is huge.

I can attest that I am not the most empathetic person. I have to try hard to share another’s feelings. Loving another person requires that daily because—guess what?—they are not you! My husband is his own person. He is an individual person who is different from me, (which is one of the major reasons I fell in love with him). The ability to empathize with another not only shows love but respect.

7. We have evolved but never changed our true selves.

Guess what? You cannot change someone (many of us think we can, but we can’t). My husband and I have both grown and “evolved” our thinking, the way we work, etc., but who we are as a person has not changed. I do not try to change my husband (except his clothing at times) but have learned to appreciate the growth of who he is, from what I’ve seen from his teens to now.

8. Have a bedtime routine.

This has been good for us. This is our time alone from the kids or the world. It’s looked different in the years (and always looks different when he is away) but having that routine has always been a good time for conversations and alone time.

9. Discuss expectations before marriage.

This was a hard one. While we discussed our expectations before marriage, we still have to revisit them. It’s so hard to remember that a man wants respect and views that differently than a woman who craves love (the book Love and Respect is a great read).

10. Seek help when you need it.

Don’t hide in shame. We all need a voice of reason that is impartial from time to time.

Make sure that “voice” is a professional and shares the same core values as you both do (either religiously or not). Remember, you aren’t perfect, and he isn’t either.

11. Like riding a roller coaster? Well, buckle up!

Marriage is like one for sure. Riding the highs and lows together, and trying to swerve out of the bad spots. Not only that, marriage is more like a park full of roller coasters, each ride representing a different season in life: some fast and straight, some with lots of loops, and others that are slow and steady. Learn to hold on tight together.

12. Make plans with backups.

This is funny now that he is in the Army, because his plans change now a lot. As military spouses, we often joke about never knowing plans, but honestly, share your dreams and desires with your spouse. Try to achieve those dreams, and attempt to help them achieve theirs. If something falls, no fear; have a backup plan!

13. Make the Lord a priority.

I am a Christian, and so is my husband. We believe that Christ is the foundation of a marriage. I can tell you what years we put our relationships with God on the back burner and what years we walked with Him. I can also tell you how those years away from God were compared to the years with Him—drastically different.

No matter how your marriage is or how you want it to be, remember that each painting comes with flaws but is still beautiful.

What tips do you have for a good marriage?

If you liked this post, check out Military Marriage: 10 Years Later, We’re Going Places, Darling: Building Love Maps in Your Marriage, and Army Strong, Marriage Style.