Penny for Your (Wedding) Thoughts

The day I purchased my wedding dress, I was alone.

My husband had dropped me off at a local bridal shop, I marched to the section with my size, spent several minutes perusing the selection, chose two dresses, tried each on, and strolled out of the store 30 minutes later.

I did not have my bridesmaids, mother, or mother-in-law with me (although they had previously attended dress scouting trips).

I did not have a brunch following with champagne to toast my saying “yes to the dress.”

But, I was just as titillated as ever that I had my wedding dress. I hadn’t purchased it the traditional way, but I had purchased it the way I saw fit for me individually.

The first penny held the motto “Mind your own business.” (Thanks, ArmyWifeNetwork)

Here is my figurative penny to those who have an opinion on my wedding. Why do I feel it’s necessary to hand this penny out? Because I’m tired of hearing sentences that begin with “Why didn’t you….?” or “That must suck not having X choice,” or “How come…”

Being a military spouse does not offer me many choices on where I live, a concrete timeline of my life, or when I can plan a wedding.

My husband and I decided to marry in the courthouse prior to my move to Washington. Several people had drawn their own conclusions on the whys behind this. My husband’s ex was Miss Nosey Rosy and asked if I was knocked up. My outer circle of friends thought I was using it as an excuse to blow the popsicle stand that was Colorado and hightail it out of there.

The real reason for opting for a courthouse wedding months prior to moving was the security that military life provided that civilian life couldn’t.

Settling for less than what I deserve or want has never been a characteristic of mine. That’s why I haven’t let go of my goal of creating a wedding ceremony that includes all I’ve always envisioned. On Oct. 1, 2017 my husband and I will renew our vows. This date will also double as the reception we didn’t have after our courthouse ceremony.

Sometimes, as military spouses, we opt to follow less-traveled or different routes to reach an end goal or dream. For me that end goal was my wedding. I’ve had to adapt details about what my life as a military spouse is. Check out this blog for unique ideas on military weddings if you are planning your own soon.

I recently asked my two best friends to be my bridesmaids by emailing them each clues that ended with a package being mailed to their door. While I wanted to be there in person to hug them as they accepted my question, that doesn’t fit into my current lifestyle. As I spoke with each of them over the phone, the way I’d asked didn’t matter.

The closeness we share spreads over the distance.

My stepdaughter and stepson have also been on the receiving end of my non-traditional wedding preparations. Sending photos of junior bridesmaid dresses and asking her opinion of hair styles has given opportunities for others to offer their “condolences.” Contrary to what it may seem, however, I’m not to be pitied.

Planning a wedding states away from those who are going to participate, and the ones I hold dearest, is not something to offer sympathy for.

Yes, it requires thinking outside the box.

Yes, it requires more effort on my part to make sure my family and friends still feel included.

But, no, I don’t require advice on how to handle it, so I kindly offer you this penny for your thoughts.