The Hike That Was Worth It

He told me we were just going on a “little” walk. It wouldn’t take that long. We’d be back in plenty of time for the sit-down dinner at the cute, little Italian restaurant in Aspen, Colorado that we had reservations for.  But at the look of how things were going, that didn’t seem likely. I was halfway up a huge mountain, so exhausted, and just wanted to be done.

My husband and I were enjoying a much-needed weekend in Aspen thanks to an Army-sponsored Strong Bonds retreat. (If you’ve never attended a Strong Bonds weekend, I highly suggest going!) We were in between sessions, and my adventurous, pilot husband decided it would fun to do a “little hike” before the dinner session started.

First of all, his idea of a little hike and mine are very different. We ended up walking up one of Aspen’s most difficult black diamond ski slopes (it was off-season, and the ski resort was closed), and the majority of the slope was still covered in 1-2 feet of half-melted, crunchy snow. So each step I took entailed breaking through a layer of ice, finding the ground, and then hoisting my foot back up to take the next step. Mind you, I was in sneakers, not snow boots. And, I have nerve damage in my lower legs and feet which make long, steep walks/hikes, a bit more challenging for me! Add in some snow and ice and you’ve officially doubled the challenge (picture Bambi learning how to walk on the icy pond—that is me).

From the bottom of the slope, it really didn’t look that far or that hard. Isn’t that sometimes how life is? In the beginning of marriage, in the beginning of Army wife life, in the newborn stage of being a parent… it often times doesn’t seem that difficult.

But life doesn’t stay easy.

Trials, change, disappointments, deployments, financial hardship, illnesses, and heartaches can cause the path to get hard. And sometimes it seems it will never end. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s about where I was on this “little hike” and in life.

I got about halfway into this hike, and I wanted to give up. I just wanted to raise my white flag and call it a day. I was tired. I was cold and wet from trudging through snow in tennis shoes; my heart was racing from oxygen-depleted high altitude. I was thirsty and all strength and motivation was gone. I looked ahead and saw my husband cruising up,  keeping a consistent pace—with ease and strength—nothing hindering his steps.

Gosh, he made it look so easy!

In that moment, I sat down and took some deep breaths, trying to get my heart rate down. I began thinking about the fourth deployment that we had just weathered. As much as I was worn out physically in that moment, I was worn out emotionally. Tears began to trickle down my face. I was tired. I felt disconnected from my husband. So many moments of the past nine months (okay, the last few years) had felt like this “little hike.” Numerous moves, coupled with back to back deployments and TDYs, a miscarriage, a feeling of isolation at my current duty station, and sprinkle in some health issues and anxiety and I was in a pretty low place. I couldn’t see beyond “the hard,” and it had paralyzed me from continuing on.

I was stuck.

As I was on the brink of just calling it quits on this journey, I felt something rise up inside of me—a little bit of courage. It sparked when my husband looking back over his shoulder in the distance, yelling “You can do this, Jess! I believe in you. You can do hard things.” And then his last statement is what lifted me off the the cold, hard ground that I had slumped onto. “IT WILL BE WORTH IT. The views at the top are amazing!”

You see, I’m a sucker for a beautiful view. I needed to see the top. I wanted to soak in the mountain vista, that 360-degree view of sky, and snow-capped mountains. My body didn’t want to keep going, but my heart and drive won out. I decided I wasn’t giving up.

My perspective changed.

Instead of remaining in the moment of focusing on all my aches and pains and weaknesses, I decided that the views would be worth it. I slowly stood up, grabbed my two trusty walking sticks, and willed my legs to keep going. I literally had to command my body to continue.

As I gave my body a pep talk, my spirit and soul needed one too. This Army wife of 16 years needed a pep talk to keep going. Maybe you need to hear these words too. Life has not been easy for you. You really just want to give up. I want to tell you—to speak courage to you—that you can do this! You’ve got this! Don’t think too far ahead—just take one step at a time. It will be worth it!

I finally got to the top of that mountain, and he was right. The views were breathtaking. I sat, took slow, controlled breaths inhaling and exhaling the cool, crisp air, thanking God for giving the me the strength to make it. I felt a newfound resolve stirring inside of me. I had needed a reset, a change in perspective that helped me believe again that I was fully capable to do what I’ve been called to do—support my husband and children in the highs and lows of this wild and crazy Army adventure.

After a much-needed break at the top, we realized there was no way we could hike down the mountain in time for dinner (and my legs had really revolted at this point). So we decided we’d take advantage of the snow and slide our way down! A sled would’ve been really helpful at that moment, but alas, we were left with using our bottoms. So we sat down and took turns giving each other pushes down the mountain. Our backsides were soaked, and we probably looked like crazy people, but we had so much fun (and it was way easier than walking all the way down). We made it to dinner with three minutes to spare with half-dried bottoms, a fun memory, and full hearts. I was ready for the next adventure life would throw at me, and I was even more ready for that homemade lasagna.

Do you feel like you want to give up? Is life just hard and unrelenting? I encourage you to grab a friend, go do something fun, maybe something hard, conquer it, laugh, and be encouraged that you can do hard things. Sometimes a perspective shift is all we need. For me, being outdoors helps take my eyes off of me and my issues and fixes my eyes on the bigger picture.

I’d love to hear some ways that you get over the hump of discouragement. Please post in the comments below!